Sharing the stoke

I don't think I'm the only surfer who enjoys hearing

from friends who are on surf trips. Odd how, despite

knowing exactly what the conditions are thanks to surf

reports, web cams, I still like getting a first hand report.

Hearing or reading a friends account of their days sessions

is kind of like taking a vicarious surf trip.

One of the 40 something surf girls is at my house in Puerto

Rico getting her first taste of the surfing reef breaks.

The surf, thus far, has been perfect for her - stomach high,

light crowds, good vibe. Sounds like she's having a blast!

Being able to view things through the eyes of others can be, not

only, a fun experience but also a great way to become more

compassionate and caring. Empathy, i.e. experiencing the world

"as if" you were another, through their eyes, is a key trait in

establishing and maintaining good relationships. The noted

psychologist Carl Rogers wrote extensively about empathy.

Being empathetic helps us avoid being critical and judgmental

and encourages compassion. Perhaps you can check the web site

www.Ted.com and enjoy the recently posted lectures on

compassion. Compassion helps bring about peacefulness and

touches our best human qualities.

I'm looking forward to todays call from the 40 something surf

girl in PR. I know where she'll be surfing, I know the conditions,

what I am excited for is to experience it through her eyes. I love

sharing the stoke.

Measuring waves Hawaiian Style

A friend and colleague called twice yesterday

from the north shore of Oahu. This is his first trip

to that magical, legendary place. For a surfer going

to Hawaii, and especially the north shore, is akin to making

holy pilgrimage, kind of like going to Mecca or Jerusalem.

The first call was filled with excitement, anticipation.

"The surf at Alligators looks huge to me" he said.

"Seems at least double overhead! I'm meeting Leeland

(his host and a north shore local) at his house and I guess

we'll surf." I could hear the anxiety in his voice. It was

almost as if he was wondering if he had to surf.

The second call was a bit different. "I survived!" he proudly

proclaimed. " Don't think I've ever gone so fast or surfed

waves so big in my life, I prayed I'd make each of the waves

I rode but I made it! Leeland said it was only 8'-10', not really

that big" my friend confessed. "It was pretty big to me, guess

it's that Hawaiian thing about measuring waves". "It's all

what you get used to, all in how you look at it".

Odd how a surf pilgrim surfing the north shore can make the

same observation as a client trying to put their stresses and

problems into perspective. Just the other day a patient in

my office commented that they believed that if all the people

with problems stood in a circle and threw their problems up

into the air you'd find people reaching to catch their own issues.

Seeing the problems some others have can help you measure

your own in a different way. To a north shore local 8'-10' foot

surf isn't really that big. To someone facing a life threatening

disease getting stressed over a traffic jam doesn't seem so

big. How do you measure waves and the problems you face?

Getting in over your head

Two nor'eaters here in NJ in 4 days. The beaches really

took a beating. The surf got pretty out of hand for a bit.

At one point during the storms I watched as a few people

tried to paddle out. They got pounded in a big, narly, dirty,

out of control ocean. Clearly they were in "way over their heads".

Those 2 surfers should have known better, should have

realized that no one else was even considering trying to surf.

Guess they just got carried away.

Interesting how many people are in all sorts of things "way

over their heads" these days. In the office every day I listen and try

to help people who have let things go too far, be it their

spending, their relationships, their drinking, or their

unhappiness. How many of us have let things go too far before

we've decided to address them, try to resolve them. Guess

it's just too easy sometimes to go with the flow and not confront

ourselves and our issues.

In surfing getting in "over your head" can be dangerous and

endanger others. Guess the same is true in life. Accept what

is, not what you'd want it to be. We all need to be honest with

ourselves and with the people in our lives even when it doesn't

feel so easy to do so. If the waves are too big don't go! Don't get

in "over your head" because sometimes it's too difficult to get out.

Some days are just better than others

Every surfer knows that some days are just better

than others. Perhaps the wind is better, the swell bigger,

the vibe in the line-up friendlier, the ocean clearer, the sky

prettier, and it seems that everything just comes together

to make for the perfect session. Then there are those other

days the days when nothing seems right, nothing comes

together, the days you can't seem to catch a break.

Everyone experiences those off days when for whatever reason

your mood is down and nothing seems to go right. Seems

to me that many of the folks I work with have more

of those days than others. Learning how to float through a

bad day without it ruining your life is a skill we all need to acquire.

So you got to the beach just as the wind shifted. So you surfed

poorly messing up turns falling like a clumsy grom. So what? It's

not the end of the world. Bad days, bad moods, happen. They come

and they go. The trick is to learn how to be mindful of your mood,

not run from it, and not let it control you. Hey, face it you've had

good sessions on pretty lousy days when the wind and waves didn't

really come together.

What's your day like today?

Michael Peterson and .Mental Illness

I had the pleasure of seeing Jolyon Hoff's new film

"Searching for Michael Peterson" this past week. If you

get the opportunity to see it you should definitely make it

point to go. It is a wonderful movie on many many levels

Wonderful mornings help make wonderful days

What a wonderful session this morning. What a way to start the

day! I have written before about how I love Monday mornings

especially when the sky is clear, the is wind offshore, and there

is a decent swell. Today was one of those days. The September

sky was crystal clear. The air had a tiny nip in it and the water

was warmer than the air. The hollow waves were and in the chest

high range racing down the sand bar. A large pod of dolphins

swam by making the mood in the lineup peaceful, joyous, content.

Dolphins seem to do that.

This morning I decided to ride my 7'4" egg. That board amazes me.

I never would have bought it but every time I ride it I have a great

session. I got the board as a payment for a debt someone owed me.

My gain for sure. Interesting how things happen.

I surfed for about 4 hours before the wind went hard south. I felt

bad for the crew that had just paddled out. Funny how that sometimes

happens, just as you paddle out the wind switches. Life works that

way periodically. By 4 pm the ocean didn't even look like the same

ocean. Five hours of hard wind will do that. On the bright side, the

strong wind should make tomorrow morning fun.

Funny how things are.

From the known to the unknown

Many surfers are very very comfortable surfing their

home breaks and the breaks they know well. Others are

very happy riding the same boards or shapes. There is

something about the familiarity of things that makes

many feel safe, secure, and confident. Is safety, security,

and confidence always so necessary or can these same things

sometimes hold us back, prevent us from having new experiences,

learning and advancing?

On Saturday I just happened to be in my local surf shop

and had the opportunity to help a friend of a friend buy a board.

I really didn't know the guy all that well but I have seen him in

the water and watched him surf. He's got 2 boards both with

about the same shapes one a bit longer than the other. When I

asked him what he was looking for in another board he replied

"something longer, something I can catch more waves on". As

he looked on the rack he gravitated to longer versions of what

he already has. I urged him to consider a great deal on a used long-

board. He balked at first. "I've never ridden a longboard" he

said. "I don't think so" was his initial reluctant reply. As we spoke

I could see that it was the unknown that was holding him back.

"Try it" I said. "Give it some time. If you really don't like it I'm

sure you can sell it for what you paid for it". After a bit he bought

the board and excitedly headed to the beach. I'm looking forward

to the next time I see him to find out how he likes the board. To

find out how he did with the unknown.

As a country we are currently in the midst of the same kind of

struggle, moving from the known to the unknown. If you watch

and listen you can see the styles of dealing with the uncertainty.

On one side we've got those who rigidly resist any and all change.

They want things to be the way they used to be, to get back to

what was. That's the comfort zone they feel safe in. On the other

side we have those who seem to charge headfirst into change

seemingly embracing the unknown, sometimes without adequate

thought. Seems to me that describes our national psyche these days.

Too few realizing that we can never have things the way they were,

we can't go back. Too few realizing that a mad dash into an unknown

isn't always the wisest thing to do. Too few willing to listen to the

other.

Where are you? Are you riding the old familiar break on the same

old shape? Are you charging blindly into the surf at a new spot without

looking for the channel, looking at the hazards? The unknown future,

filled with change is inevitable. How we deal with it is up to us.