Measuring waves Hawaiian Style

A friend and colleague called twice yesterday

from the north shore of Oahu. This is his first trip

to that magical, legendary place. For a surfer going

to Hawaii, and especially the north shore, is akin to making

holy pilgrimage, kind of like going to Mecca or Jerusalem.

The first call was filled with excitement, anticipation.

"The surf at Alligators looks huge to me" he said.

"Seems at least double overhead! I'm meeting Leeland

(his host and a north shore local) at his house and I guess

we'll surf." I could hear the anxiety in his voice. It was

almost as if he was wondering if he had to surf.

The second call was a bit different. "I survived!" he proudly

proclaimed. " Don't think I've ever gone so fast or surfed

waves so big in my life, I prayed I'd make each of the waves

I rode but I made it! Leeland said it was only 8'-10', not really

that big" my friend confessed. "It was pretty big to me, guess

it's that Hawaiian thing about measuring waves". "It's all

what you get used to, all in how you look at it".

Odd how a surf pilgrim surfing the north shore can make the

same observation as a client trying to put their stresses and

problems into perspective. Just the other day a patient in

my office commented that they believed that if all the people

with problems stood in a circle and threw their problems up

into the air you'd find people reaching to catch their own issues.

Seeing the problems some others have can help you measure

your own in a different way. To a north shore local 8'-10' foot

surf isn't really that big. To someone facing a life threatening

disease getting stressed over a traffic jam doesn't seem so

big. How do you measure waves and the problems you face?

Getting in over your head

Two nor'eaters here in NJ in 4 days. The beaches really

took a beating. The surf got pretty out of hand for a bit.

At one point during the storms I watched as a few people

tried to paddle out. They got pounded in a big, narly, dirty,

out of control ocean. Clearly they were in "way over their heads".

Those 2 surfers should have known better, should have

realized that no one else was even considering trying to surf.

Guess they just got carried away.

Interesting how many people are in all sorts of things "way

over their heads" these days. In the office every day I listen and try

to help people who have let things go too far, be it their

spending, their relationships, their drinking, or their

unhappiness. How many of us have let things go too far before

we've decided to address them, try to resolve them. Guess

it's just too easy sometimes to go with the flow and not confront

ourselves and our issues.

In surfing getting in "over your head" can be dangerous and

endanger others. Guess the same is true in life. Accept what

is, not what you'd want it to be. We all need to be honest with

ourselves and with the people in our lives even when it doesn't

feel so easy to do so. If the waves are too big don't go! Don't get

in "over your head" because sometimes it's too difficult to get out.

Some days are just better than others

Every surfer knows that some days are just better

than others. Perhaps the wind is better, the swell bigger,

the vibe in the line-up friendlier, the ocean clearer, the sky

prettier, and it seems that everything just comes together

to make for the perfect session. Then there are those other

days the days when nothing seems right, nothing comes

together, the days you can't seem to catch a break.

Everyone experiences those off days when for whatever reason

your mood is down and nothing seems to go right. Seems

to me that many of the folks I work with have more

of those days than others. Learning how to float through a

bad day without it ruining your life is a skill we all need to acquire.

So you got to the beach just as the wind shifted. So you surfed

poorly messing up turns falling like a clumsy grom. So what? It's

not the end of the world. Bad days, bad moods, happen. They come

and they go. The trick is to learn how to be mindful of your mood,

not run from it, and not let it control you. Hey, face it you've had

good sessions on pretty lousy days when the wind and waves didn't

really come together.

What's your day like today?

Michael Peterson and .Mental Illness

I had the pleasure of seeing Jolyon Hoff's new film

"Searching for Michael Peterson" this past week. If you

get the opportunity to see it you should definitely make it

point to go. It is a wonderful movie on many many levels