More from the Drifter

"High expectations tend to make poor travel partners".

This line from the Drifter really got me thinking.

Tomorrow I'm heading to my house in Puerto

Rico for a bit. I can't wait to get back to wearing

board shorts, flip flops, and a t shirt and feeling the warmth

of the tropical sun. As for the surf, I never expect too much

and am always happy for what I get. As long as I can get a few

waves I can be very content.

Over the years I've discovered that keeping expectations for

waves on any surf trip low helps make for a better experience.

I've regularly run across traveling surfers who were bummed

because the waves weren't perfect or as big as they'd hoped.

For them the trip was all about surfing not the total experience

of seeing a different country, a different culture, meeting people

and getting a chance to think about yourself and your life from a

different vantage point, a different perspective.

Expectations play a big role in our lives. Sometimes when the

gap between our expectations and our perception of the reality

is great we feel stressed, upset, out of sorts. Some day I'm going to

make a chart to visually illustrate that point. I see that distress

in my clients regularly. They have certain expectations of how

things "should be" and often what they get doesn't match their

expectations. Bet you can cite a few example in your own life.

Keeping expectations in line with reality doesn't make you a

negative person or take away your ability to hope and dream.

Sometimes if you've been able to keep your expectations in line

you just might get pleasantly surprised when things turn out

better than you'd hoped for.

The Drifter

Last night I had the opportunity to see Rob Machado

and Taylor Steele's new movie "The Drifter". I'm not

giving anything away by telling you that it is a documentary,

of sorts, chronicling Rob's 6 month journey in Indonesia. It

was a journey intended, in part, to help Rob find himself. The

Drifter is one of the better "surf films" I've seen in a while. It is

visually beautiful, got me thinking on many levels, and of course

provided an opportunity to marvel at Rob's surfing skills and

style.

Many of us, I'm sure, have felt an urge to get away,

to embark on a journey and find ourselves, to figure out

what is important. Seems to me this is especially true during

those times of distress and emotional challenge, or when

we are overwhelmed and facing major life decisions or choices.

Ironically, one of the clients I saw not too long before going

to see the Drifter voiced their own feeling the need to get away.

"I'd like to just go off alone, with no phone, no responsibilities,

no expectations and get in touch with who I really am. I feel like

I've been lost, been playing a role, not really being me." they said.

It is often ironic how the lessons we learn from our own

drifting, our own journey of self discovery end up being so

simple, so basic. During the Q & A after the movie someone

asked Rob about some of the things he'd discovered. After

a brief pause he answered the question by talking about the

miracle of running water. You see he'd stayed in a village where

there was no well, no running water. Villagers had to walk 2-3 km.

just to fill their buckets. After his journey he'll not take that simple

thing, running water in the house, for granted ever again.

From time to time we all become drifters in an effort to

discover who we are and what is really important to us.

In this time of economic uncertainty, job loss, recession, and

change maybe we need some distance to help us gain a different

perspective, to look at the things we do have, like water, to help

us find contentment, to find some joy and happiness, to find our selves.

Sharing the stoke

I don't think I'm the only surfer who enjoys hearing

from friends who are on surf trips. Odd how, despite

knowing exactly what the conditions are thanks to surf

reports, web cams, I still like getting a first hand report.

Hearing or reading a friends account of their days sessions

is kind of like taking a vicarious surf trip.

One of the 40 something surf girls is at my house in Puerto

Rico getting her first taste of the surfing reef breaks.

The surf, thus far, has been perfect for her - stomach high,

light crowds, good vibe. Sounds like she's having a blast!

Being able to view things through the eyes of others can be, not

only, a fun experience but also a great way to become more

compassionate and caring. Empathy, i.e. experiencing the world

"as if" you were another, through their eyes, is a key trait in

establishing and maintaining good relationships. The noted

psychologist Carl Rogers wrote extensively about empathy.

Being empathetic helps us avoid being critical and judgmental

and encourages compassion. Perhaps you can check the web site

www.Ted.com and enjoy the recently posted lectures on

compassion. Compassion helps bring about peacefulness and

touches our best human qualities.

I'm looking forward to todays call from the 40 something surf

girl in PR. I know where she'll be surfing, I know the conditions,

what I am excited for is to experience it through her eyes. I love

sharing the stoke.