Motivation, Fear, and the Eddie

What motivates us to do the things we do?

What pushes us beyond what would normally be

expected? I couldn't help but wonder about these

questions as I watched surfers take on the massive

waves during contest held in honor of

Eddie Aikau at Waimea Bay on the north shore of Oahu

the other day.

The "Eddie" is a special event. In order for contest

director George Downing to allow the contest to begin

the waves must be giant, 25 feet or higher. In the

25 years since its' inception the "Eddie" has only been

run a handful of times. It is a contest like no other.

Simply being selected as a participant or alternate is a

great honor. Surfers capable of, and motivated to paddle in

and ride waves of such enormous size are a breed apart. These

surfers push themselves over the edge of mountains when

most other mortals would be paddling in the opposite direction to

avoid even the possibility of having to ride such waves. What

makes them do it?

Giant waves can and have killed people. Riding a wave into the

giant shorebreak at Waimea is life threatening. You'd never

have known if you were watching the feats of Ramon Navarro,

Greg Long, Kelly Slater or some of the others. They seemed almost

casual in their approach. Clyde Aikau at age 60 charged the biggest

set waves risking his life. Why you might ask? Where was their fear?

What happened to that switch in the brain that warns us, tries to

protect us and keep us safe? Were they afraid? If they were afraid

what permitted them to push the fear aside and go? I know that none

felt that they'd do anything other than make the drop, make the wave,

survive the day and celebrate their participation in the "Eddie",

celebrate their participation in one of life's special moments.

Maybe we all need to learn from those who surfed in this years

"Eddie". Perhaps we all need to push the fear aside and celebrate

participating with the knowledge that we too will make it through,

and that it will be a memorable event in our lives.

The Drifter (part 3)

Have you ever watched how aggro some people

can become when the surf is good? Seems that they

are trying to get as many set waves

as they can oblivious to others in the line up. I was

witness to just that sort of surfer last week in Puerto

Rico when Maria's got really good. This one guy would paddle

for every set wave, yell others off, and after his ride

paddle back to the point and do the same thing. That aggro attitude

might serve one well in a competition or for others in business,

but I'm not so sure it's a great life strategy.

Rob Machado, one of the best competitive surfer's in the world

made an insightful comment in his recent movie "The Drifter".

He was in a rather remote village in Indo watching some children

play a game with rocks. They'd toss a rock up in the air and while

it was airborne attempt to pick up other rocks, kind of like the game

of jacks. One child would toss than pass the rock to another.

"I couldn't really figure out how you win" Machado commented.

"Maybe you just play and that's good enough".

I love the idea of having fun and playing. You might try it in the

lineup and in your life. You can still strive to do well, strive to achieve

or even win but as you do so remember "maybe you just play and that's

good enough".

More from the Drifter

"High expectations tend to make poor travel partners".

This line from the Drifter really got me thinking.

Tomorrow I'm heading to my house in Puerto

Rico for a bit. I can't wait to get back to wearing

board shorts, flip flops, and a t shirt and feeling the warmth

of the tropical sun. As for the surf, I never expect too much

and am always happy for what I get. As long as I can get a few

waves I can be very content.

Over the years I've discovered that keeping expectations for

waves on any surf trip low helps make for a better experience.

I've regularly run across traveling surfers who were bummed

because the waves weren't perfect or as big as they'd hoped.

For them the trip was all about surfing not the total experience

of seeing a different country, a different culture, meeting people

and getting a chance to think about yourself and your life from a

different vantage point, a different perspective.

Expectations play a big role in our lives. Sometimes when the

gap between our expectations and our perception of the reality

is great we feel stressed, upset, out of sorts. Some day I'm going to

make a chart to visually illustrate that point. I see that distress

in my clients regularly. They have certain expectations of how

things "should be" and often what they get doesn't match their

expectations. Bet you can cite a few example in your own life.

Keeping expectations in line with reality doesn't make you a

negative person or take away your ability to hope and dream.

Sometimes if you've been able to keep your expectations in line

you just might get pleasantly surprised when things turn out

better than you'd hoped for.

The Drifter

Last night I had the opportunity to see Rob Machado

and Taylor Steele's new movie "The Drifter". I'm not

giving anything away by telling you that it is a documentary,

of sorts, chronicling Rob's 6 month journey in Indonesia. It

was a journey intended, in part, to help Rob find himself. The

Drifter is one of the better "surf films" I've seen in a while. It is

visually beautiful, got me thinking on many levels, and of course

provided an opportunity to marvel at Rob's surfing skills and

style.

Many of us, I'm sure, have felt an urge to get away,

to embark on a journey and find ourselves, to figure out

what is important. Seems to me this is especially true during

those times of distress and emotional challenge, or when

we are overwhelmed and facing major life decisions or choices.

Ironically, one of the clients I saw not too long before going

to see the Drifter voiced their own feeling the need to get away.

"I'd like to just go off alone, with no phone, no responsibilities,

no expectations and get in touch with who I really am. I feel like

I've been lost, been playing a role, not really being me." they said.

It is often ironic how the lessons we learn from our own

drifting, our own journey of self discovery end up being so

simple, so basic. During the Q & A after the movie someone

asked Rob about some of the things he'd discovered. After

a brief pause he answered the question by talking about the

miracle of running water. You see he'd stayed in a village where

there was no well, no running water. Villagers had to walk 2-3 km.

just to fill their buckets. After his journey he'll not take that simple

thing, running water in the house, for granted ever again.

From time to time we all become drifters in an effort to

discover who we are and what is really important to us.

In this time of economic uncertainty, job loss, recession, and

change maybe we need some distance to help us gain a different

perspective, to look at the things we do have, like water, to help

us find contentment, to find some joy and happiness, to find our selves.

Sharing the stoke

I don't think I'm the only surfer who enjoys hearing

from friends who are on surf trips. Odd how, despite

knowing exactly what the conditions are thanks to surf

reports, web cams, I still like getting a first hand report.

Hearing or reading a friends account of their days sessions

is kind of like taking a vicarious surf trip.

One of the 40 something surf girls is at my house in Puerto

Rico getting her first taste of the surfing reef breaks.

The surf, thus far, has been perfect for her - stomach high,

light crowds, good vibe. Sounds like she's having a blast!

Being able to view things through the eyes of others can be, not

only, a fun experience but also a great way to become more

compassionate and caring. Empathy, i.e. experiencing the world

"as if" you were another, through their eyes, is a key trait in

establishing and maintaining good relationships. The noted

psychologist Carl Rogers wrote extensively about empathy.

Being empathetic helps us avoid being critical and judgmental

and encourages compassion. Perhaps you can check the web site

www.Ted.com and enjoy the recently posted lectures on

compassion. Compassion helps bring about peacefulness and

touches our best human qualities.

I'm looking forward to todays call from the 40 something surf

girl in PR. I know where she'll be surfing, I know the conditions,

what I am excited for is to experience it through her eyes. I love

sharing the stoke.

Measuring waves Hawaiian Style

A friend and colleague called twice yesterday

from the north shore of Oahu. This is his first trip

to that magical, legendary place. For a surfer going

to Hawaii, and especially the north shore, is akin to making

holy pilgrimage, kind of like going to Mecca or Jerusalem.

The first call was filled with excitement, anticipation.

"The surf at Alligators looks huge to me" he said.

"Seems at least double overhead! I'm meeting Leeland

(his host and a north shore local) at his house and I guess

we'll surf." I could hear the anxiety in his voice. It was

almost as if he was wondering if he had to surf.

The second call was a bit different. "I survived!" he proudly

proclaimed. " Don't think I've ever gone so fast or surfed

waves so big in my life, I prayed I'd make each of the waves

I rode but I made it! Leeland said it was only 8'-10', not really

that big" my friend confessed. "It was pretty big to me, guess

it's that Hawaiian thing about measuring waves". "It's all

what you get used to, all in how you look at it".

Odd how a surf pilgrim surfing the north shore can make the

same observation as a client trying to put their stresses and

problems into perspective. Just the other day a patient in

my office commented that they believed that if all the people

with problems stood in a circle and threw their problems up

into the air you'd find people reaching to catch their own issues.

Seeing the problems some others have can help you measure

your own in a different way. To a north shore local 8'-10' foot

surf isn't really that big. To someone facing a life threatening

disease getting stressed over a traffic jam doesn't seem so

big. How do you measure waves and the problems you face?

Getting in over your head

Two nor'eaters here in NJ in 4 days. The beaches really

took a beating. The surf got pretty out of hand for a bit.

At one point during the storms I watched as a few people

tried to paddle out. They got pounded in a big, narly, dirty,

out of control ocean. Clearly they were in "way over their heads".

Those 2 surfers should have known better, should have

realized that no one else was even considering trying to surf.

Guess they just got carried away.

Interesting how many people are in all sorts of things "way

over their heads" these days. In the office every day I listen and try

to help people who have let things go too far, be it their

spending, their relationships, their drinking, or their

unhappiness. How many of us have let things go too far before

we've decided to address them, try to resolve them. Guess

it's just too easy sometimes to go with the flow and not confront

ourselves and our issues.

In surfing getting in "over your head" can be dangerous and

endanger others. Guess the same is true in life. Accept what

is, not what you'd want it to be. We all need to be honest with

ourselves and with the people in our lives even when it doesn't

feel so easy to do so. If the waves are too big don't go! Don't get

in "over your head" because sometimes it's too difficult to get out.