Learn Something New

Over the past months I've watched as two forty-something

women have become enthralled with surfing.  I've known

both these women for years.  We walk our dogs together on

the beach almost every day.  About 3 months ago they both

commented about how surfing and stand up paddleboarding

looked fun.  As the weather and water warmed so did their

interest.

About a month ago they rented an SUP and took it in the ocean

on a warm flat day.  It was harder than they'd expected but it did

not diminish their desire or interest.  They approached a neighbor

who they knew has surfed for years.  Would he be willing to teach

them to surf?  Of course they had no idea that their teacher

was quite an icon.  He'd lived in Hawaii at V land, was amongst

the folks who named Freddieland, roomed with Billy Hamilton

and Phil Irons and locally was called Pipey for his ability to

tube ride.  But to him teaching these 40 something moms

sounded like a fun thing to do.

Today I watched as he pushed them into tiny waves.  The smiles

on everyone's faces were infectious. I doubt if he smiled that much

in Hawaii back in the day.  I know they will all be back tomorrow.

Research on aging suggests that we all should take up something

new as we age.  Learn to do something we've never done.  Creating

new neural pathways through the brain helps keep our brains

and our minds alive and sharp.  Don't just sit back as you age.  Feel

the joy of being a novice.  Learn something new!

Resources are finite

Each morning as I walk along the beach I find

plastic.  Plastic bottle caps, water bottles, kids

beach toys, bags are, unfortunately more common

than unusual shells or sharks teeth. They are abundant.

Oil, we are told, is a finite resource yet we have those

among us who believe that there are infinite amounts

of oil under the sea.

Sand is a precious resource yet we have those who

want to dredge it from the ocean floor and place it

on the beach to protect a few homes.  The reefs that

they are burying are also a precious finite resource.

But some don't seem to care.

On a more personal level, what resources do you

squander or hold dear?  Health is one of the most 

precious resources we have.  Do you protect your

health by exercising, eating right, getting enough

sleep or do you ignore the value of your health.

How about time? Some never seem to have enough

yet think they have plenty of time.  A client of mine

thinks that the dishes in the sink must be cleaned

before she can meditate or exercise.  No surprise

she never has enough time for the things that she 

"wants" to do because she feels compelled to do

things she "has to do" like dusting the bookshelf.

Resources be they personal or planetary are finite.

How can we avoid squandering them?

Happiness and Making a Difference

Martin Seligman, the noted psychologist, and some would 

say father of positive psychology, has a great lecture on

www.TED.com.  Dr. Seligman talks about how to achieve 

happiness.  One of the ingredients is helping and making

a difference by what you do.  

Today I sure felt great happiness.  I got some pleasure by

spending 3 hours on my SUP in smallish, knee to waist high

surf.  I felt as if I made a difference as a volunteer in a 

program that the Jersey Shore Chapter of Surfrider began

6 years ago in Asbury Park NJ.  Today was Asbury Family

Day at the Beach.  

This program is aimed at local Asbury Park kids and 

families most of whom are relatively poor  and minority.

It might sound surprising that people can grow up living a

mile or two from the beach and never experience it.  Hard to 

imagine for a surfer, but a very real fact of life.  For many

years people of color and minorities were discouraged from 

going to the beach.  They weren't really welcomed.  

Imagine the joy of seeing for the first time in your life

a pod of dolphins.  For scores of people today was their

first time.  Imagine exploring the tide line to find creatures

like crabs, mussels, jellyfish and shells for the first time.

Imagine being pushed into a wave and riding your first wave.

That's what Asbury Park Family Day at the Beach is all about.

That's the difference between pleasure and happiness.  

Check out the Seligman lecture on Ted.com.  See if you can

find happiness in your life.

Choices and consequences

This morning as the sun rose I was checking the

waves with my dog and a good friend.  As the

2 of us contemplated the waist to stomach high

clean, glassy line-up a neighbor pulled up.  Bob

and I were born a few days apart so in many ways

we have much in common.  One major difference

however were a few key choices we made in our lives.

As I prepared for a session Bob headed to the train

station for his 1 1/2 hour trip to the city to go to work.

You could tell from the look in his eyes and the brief

comments he made that he wished he were us.  

Ron, another dear friend, used to ride the train.  One

day he, like Bob, left the early morning surf check to

make the train.  He wore an expensive suit and drove 

a very expensive car at the time.  Ron decided to make

a change, take a risk and opt for a lifestyle closer to his

heart and passion.  It was tough at first for him to

watch his commuting buddies in their expensive

cars and leather brief cases as he struggled to start

a new business.   Now he wears shorts to work, drive

a car filled with sand, and  surfs the DP whenever there

are waves.  

Lifestyle choices confront us all.  What choices are you

making?  John Lennon once wrote, "Life is what happens

to us when we're busy making other plans".  Choices aren't

easy but we have to deal with their consequences.

Keep it simple

One of the things I love about surfing

is the simplicity.  All you need is a board,

a wave, a wetsuit or boardshorts, and time.

Not a lot of fancy dodads.  Not a lot of

technology.  I often look at windsurfers

or kite surfers or divers and think that

it looks like fun but there is so much 

equipment involved, so many moving parts,

so much to coordinate and set up.  

Keeping life simple is another thing I love.

It makes me feel better.  Many of the folks

I see in my office are stressed beyond belief

because their lives are too complicated.  They

never seem to consider the price we pay for

moving from simplicity.  

Sure it's great to have a quiver but there is some

peace in not having to choose which board to ride

today.  I'm not sure which surf film it is where I

saw Joel Tudor saying the same thing.  He had a

car full of boards and stressed about which one he

should be riding.

Try to find out where simplifying your life can make

it easier.  It might have you thinning your quiver and

making your choices not so overwhelming.

What have you been doing for 45 years?

Michael Tomson asked that question in the film "Bustin Down the Door".

How many things in your life do you feel passionate about? How many

of your interests span a lifetime?

I've found in my practice that virtually all people who are depressed have never

been passionate about a hobby.  Recent research suggests that the more time

people spend in nature the greater their sense of well-being.  Perhaps that's why

surfing helps keep me more balanced.  I still can't wait to get up in the morning

when I think there will be waves.  I'm still stoked!  I love being in the water and

connecting with the life in the ocean.  Mike Orbach, Ph.D. former director of

the Duke University Marine Lab and former Surfrider Board Chairman, often

speaks about the perspective from out in the lineup.  We see things from a different

vantage point looking inward at the shoreline. Perhaps the normal stresses of life

appear different from the water looking from a distance.

I've been surfing for a bit over 45 years to answer Michael Tomson's question.

It gives me a great deal.

Family, tribe, and simplicity

Last night I was part of a wonderful surf event.  Shaun Tomson and

Rabbit Bartholomew were in Asbury Park to show 'Bustin Down the

Door".  Their movie was the 1st of a double feature that included "Surfwise"

the story of the Paskowitz family.  Together they showed 2 distinct yet similar

sides of "our tribe".

Seeing surf related movies in a theatre, on a big screen is not as common 

on the east coast as it is in California.  That results in the movie being a

"gathering of the tribe".  It was very cool to see fathers, now in their 40's or

50's with their sons and daughters, gathering to see their heros.  I can't

begin to tell you how many times during the week before the showing that

people told me that Shaun and Rabbit were their heros when they were groms.

Watching their children see their stoke was quite special.  It was also amazing

to have the younger surfers, who take the professional surfing and surf industry

sponsors for granted, see how it all began, see how it was done simply for 

passion and a dream. 

Both movies showed the power of love, friendship, commitment, respect, and

family.  They both clearly illustrated that passion and aloha can often give us

much more than money or material things or brash cockiness. Being in the company of Shaun and Rabbit, 2 icons, 2 friends for many many years who have shared both joy and

tragedy, good times and bad meant was instructive.  Seeing the Paskowitz family

come full circle taught an equally important lesson.

There is a poster in my office that I bought in Hawaii many years ago.  It is called

Hawaiian Rules.  One of the rules states that "the best things in life aren't things".

Last night brought that message home to many of the 600 or so tribe members who

were inside the wonderful old Paramount Theatre in Asbury Park.

You don't know what you've got til it's gone

The title of this blog are words from the Joni Mitchell song "They paved paradise

and put up a parking lot".  Now that in itself is a great subject for a later date.

Yesterday I spent time with 2 friends who have been surfing for many many years.

Both, despite being over 50, are as stoked as ever and still rip.  Strangely

both have, within the past year, undergone surgery to replace a hip.  

I heard a common theme emerge as we spoke.  " You have no idea how much I

missed surfing during the months of rehabilitation. I couldn't wait to get back

in the water. I seem to enjoy surfing even more now than ever."  

There are important lessons here.  Enjoy life, enjoy what you have each day, cherish

the people around you, don't squander away your time.  Chaos theory teaches us that

the only constant is change.  Some changes will be good, others bad yet none will

last forever.  Each of my friends are much better at living in the moment now thanks

to their time out of the water.  I surely benefit from the lessons others have to teach.

Enjoy today!!! Enjoy each session, each wave, each friend, each loved one today because

like the surf...who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Aloha doesn't mean judging

The other day while surfing at my local spot a relative "newcomer" dropped in

on me.  We shared the wave. Rather than get angry at the drop in I decided to

 enjoy watching him on the nose of his board as we rode it together.  There was plenty 

of room on the wave for us both since the surf was playful, in the stomach high range.

The next morning we were again in the lineup together. A friend, and novice

paddler, paddled out on his new SUP.  The surf was smaller than the previous

day but still fun.  The "newcomer" saw the paddler, frowned and made a derogatory

remark about SUP's.  The paddler did not hear "newcomer's" remark.  He happily

paddled through the lineup filled with aloha, wishing everyone he knew a good morning, alerting the crew when he spied a set on the horizon, and paddled away from the main peak.

I looked at "newcomer" and commented that in the water we can make mistakes by

judging people by what they ride.  It's not the surf craft but rather the surfer we should

get to know.

Making snap judgments based only upon external appearance or inaccurate expectations

causes enough stress in the world.  Aloha means not judging.

Watching the sun come up

Today is the 7th day in a row of waves courtesy of Hurricane Bertha.  The tides have been

such that I've been up at 5am and in the water as the sun has been rising out of the Atlantic

for a week now.  What a gift!  The world is pretty quiet - except for a few fellow souls with

coffee mugs in hand, making sure that we can still surf.  My dog Happy, a native of Puerto Rico,

loves getting up and joining me for this sunrise ritual.  We both are grateful for what is, the beauty of the moment, and for the possibilities that await us on this new day. There is a morning prayer in some religion where we each give thanks for waking from the dead and being given another day of life.  It sure is hard to be stressed, anxious or worried at 5am watching a red ball rise out of the ocean, watching waves, and dolphins.  

Surfing and Life

As a surfer and a psychologist I think that I've got an interesting perspective on how the lessons I've learned in the ocean pertain to living life.  I hope to use this blog to explore, examine, and

share some of those lessons in the hope that it helps you and me.  As someone once said "

how do you know what you are thinking if you can't see it?"