Welcome Lucy

Gerry Lopez, in his new book "Surf is where you

find it" wrote that "Life goes on and surf...continue(s) to

come on a schedule entirely it's own and almost impossible

to predict".  There is a saying by some renowned religious

leader that seems similar in it's own way.  "Man makes plans 

and God laughs".  Surfing teaches us that you never know,

some things are out of our control.

Those words rang true for me this past week as my granddaughter

Lucy came into the world.  Lucy came on her own schedule

and in her own way.  My daughter and son in law made elaborate

plans.  Lucy was to be born naturally in a water birth.  Well,

that's not exactly how things worked out.  After an emergency C section

for mom, and a few days in the NICU for Lucy, today is homecoming.

I'm grateful, happy, and relieved.

Life, like the surf, goes on a schedule all its' own.  We try to predict

and make plans but often we are reminded that some things

are out of our control.

A break in the routine

  It's been a while since we've had a decent swell.  

I've been riding and enjoying my SUP for the last

month "sweeping" almost daily.  Today, thankfully,

we had some fun surf.  The wind was offshore and

the sets almost chest high.  For the first time in

a while I didn't take my SUP out.  Today I rode my

high performance longboard and had a blast.  It was

almost as if my surfing and stoke were renewed.  

I felt looser, more amped, and a bit more aggro.  What

a fun change.

How often do we all get stuck in a routine?  We do the

same thing without necessarily thinking about it almost

as if it is a knee jerk response.  Mindfully changing the 

routine can offer a fresh perspective on life.  It doesn't

have to be a dramatic change.  Perhaps you always eat

lunch in your office.  Go out instead.  Exercise using

a different routine, drive on a different road.  Enjoy

noticing what a simple change in the routine can do for you.

Sometimes the waves keep coming

Have you ever been trying to paddle out and been pummeled

by wave after wave after wave?  It's happened to us all at one 

time or another.  The waves keep coming, we keep duck diving,

and it seems to go on and on.  The only way to survive is to

relax, keep calm, and keep paddling, knowing that no set lasts

forever.  

Oft times life is a lot like a paddle out.  We seem

to get hit by one thing after another.  The problems or demands

keep coming and you feel like you can't get a breath, you can't

get past the impact zone and to the lineup.  Guess the same

rules apply - relax, keep calm, don't panic or give up, and

know that nothing lasts forever.  

Oh yes...breath!

Patience

If nothing else surfing teaches us to be patient.

Surfing isn't something that you can learn easily it

requires time, persistence, and patience.  We

can't make the waves come.  Only mother nature

can do that.  All we can do is watch, learn, and be patient.

Even when we have a swell we must be patient.  We 

wait for breaks in the white water through which to

paddle.  We wait for a lull in the set to make a sprint to

the line up.  Even after we've made it into the line up we

generally have to wait patiently for our wave.  Well

some surfers don't quite understand that part (again a topic

for another day).

For some people patience is a commodity that is

in short supply.  At certain times in our lives our patience

is tested.  I'm watching my daughter try to be as patient as

possible.  She is about to have her first child, a girl.  Her

official due date was last week but...patience, patience, patience.

My grand daughter will come, like the next swell, the next wave

in her own time. We really can't make it happen sooner.

My daughter heard that spicy food can help speed things 

up so tonight it's either Mexican  food, Thai food, or 25 cent all 

you can eat spicy chicken wings.   Who knows maybe it will work? 

In the mean time I'll remember a lesson that my years of surfing has

ingrained in me, I'll just practice patience!

Take it when you can

Today is my mother's 91st birthday.  As we ate lunch

we talked a bit about lifes lessons.  My mother certainly

isn't, or should I more aptly say wasn't, an east coast

surfer.  In fact I'm not really sure I've ever seen set foot in

the sea.  I do, however, have her to thank for my love

of the ocean.  But that's a story for another day.

My mother has never been a go for it, drop everything

kind of gal.  She spends lots of time fussing about things

she can't control and stays up nights worrying about all

sorts of things real and imagined.  I wish she could know

the sheer pleasure of dropping everything because the surf

was up.  To hell with all that stuff that "should" be done,

forget about those imagined worries,  the real ones will

still be there later.

Surfing, especially here on the east coast, has taught me

the importance of taking it when you can.  The waves, like

many of life's pleasures and joys might not be here later.

If we wait too long or put things off for another day too often

we just might miss out.  Reflecting on my mother's 91 years

I wish she'd had the ability to "do it" more and worry less.

Happy birthday mom.  I'm hoping I can make it to 91 and maybe ride

a wave or 2 at that...but I'm not going to worry about it.  I'm going

to take life when I can, each and every day.

Reframing the way we think

In cognitive behavioral therapy we often suggest

that clients "reframe" the way they think about

something.  Basically all that means is to look at

it in a different way, to use different self talk about

a stressor, problem, or thought. Seems we, as a society,

need to do a bit of reframing.

Yesterday I was taken by 2 items that came to me

via email.  The first was an email about the "Save Trestles"

campaign being waged in Southern California.  For anyone

not familiar with the issue let me try to simplify it; the

TCA wants to build a toll road through the last remaining

undeveloped coastal land between San Diego and Los Angeles.

When you think SoCal do you think of undeveloped land and

virgin beaches?  Why, you might ask, would anyone even consider

such an idea?  SoCal already is synonymous with the word freeway.

The roads supporters suggest that building the road will help reduce the

already burdensome traffic in the area.  Critics suggest that more roads

stimulate more development and we need to be less dependent upon

cars, oil, and roads. We need to protect undeveloped land and precious

coastal resources.  We need to reframe how we think about the problem.

The second email alerted me to a Bill in Congress that would reduce insurance

for oceanfront homeowners.  In the words of my friend Rick Wilson at

Surfrider, "exactly the wrong way to go". Let's see who would suggest

that we ease the burden on homeowners who have built or purchased

homes in harms way, especially with sea level rise looming?

We need to reframe how we think.

Unless we change the way we look at things we run the risk of making

matters worse.  Sometimes the easiest way or the most habitual way of

thinking needs to be changed, a paradigm shift, as it were.  Whether related

to your own life, your problems, or larger issues like our addiction to oil or

our desire to live right on the ocean, sometimes we really must resist the

easy way out.  Reframing can make all the difference.  What might you need

to reframe? What causes you stress?

Stephen, the dogs, the stick, and the waves

I love watching 5 year old Stephen and his dog

each morning at the beach.  Stephen's happy there and it shows!

Almost every day he combs the beach looking for treasures

and always, thanks to dad's example, fills up the bag he

brings from home with trash.  When the weather and 

water are warm, and waves (or lack thereof) are right

Stephen his dog Pepper and my dog Happy romp together

in the surf.

Today Stephen and the dogs gleefully played for, what 

seemed like hours, with a stick.  He'd throw the stick as

5 year olds do, then he and the dogs would run into the

ocean after it.  Usually a dog got it first.  Next they'd

all seemingly wait for a wave to bodysurf into the shore.

Did you ever watch 2 dogs and a 5 year old bodysurf a 1 ft

wave?  You should.

I'm not sure who enjoyed the morning more Stephen, Happy,

Pepper, Stephen's dad or me.  Simple pleasures, simple joys.

What a way to start the day.  Throw a stick, ride a wave, laugh,

pick up some trash, play with the dogs.  It doesn't get better

than this! 

Letting go of the fear of letting go

Yesterday the 40 something surf girls were at it again.

I admire their persistence and enjoy watching and listening

to them during and after each session.

Persistence and enthusiasm are 2 wonderful  traits which

serve us well in every endeavor.

There are 2 things that I've noticed as they've stuck with it.

First is that they both have let go of some  of  their fear of 

what lives in the ocean.  When they paddled out on their maiden 

voyages their fear of fish, sharks, jellyfish, and all of the creatures

who belong in the ocean was palpable.  They worried as they

paddled.  Gradually and with time they've let go a bit.  Sure

they know that there are fish in the ocean, but something about

being in to water, gaining a new perspective, feeling part of

the ocean has helped them let go a bit of that fear.

The second fear, and one that they are still working on

overcoming, is quite literally the fear of letting go (of the

board) as they try to stand up.  I'm sure all surfers know

exactly what I'm talking about.  Novices sometimes are able to

catch the wave, but popping up to standing seems to be

a scary thing.  Holding on to the rails seems safe.

Letting go seems risky.  Without letting go they end up in

the out of balance position we all know too well, i.e. hands

on the board, butt up in the air, one foot too far back, the

other leg bent.  Unless they let go and pop up they can't get

the joy they are hoping for.

I see folks in my office all the time who are prisoners of not

being able to let go.  Isn't that what anxiety and phobias

are all about? Isn't that what causes us stress.  We each probably

have a fear of letting go of something. I have a client

who can't relax until all their chores are finished.  They never relax.

Not being able to let go holds us back at work,  in relationships, in surfing

and from being the person we'd like to be.

In the words of the former President Franklin D. Roosevelt,

"the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"!  Let go and do the

thing you fear.  It just might be fun and really worth it.  It might even

change the way you look at yourself.

Simon and the Ocean

It's still difficult for me to put into words the emotions

surrounding what happened yesterday.  I've tried 2 drafts

of this entry already.

Simon is my 4 month old grandson.  Yesterday morning for

the 1st time in his young life he stood ( with my help) at the

shoreline and felt the ocean as it lapped up on his tiny feet. 

My son Noah, Simon's father, stood at our side sharing similar

overwhelming feelings. 

In many cultures  the ocean is special.   It's not merely a body

of water but rather a spiritual, holy place, a church of sorts. 

The place from which all life springs.  I know that for Noah and I,

like many other surfers and waterman all around the world, we

feel a great reverence towards the ocean and all it represents and

is.  Yesterday we brought Simon into our world, a world we both

hope will become his too someday. It was a baptism of sorts.

Matt Walker recently wrote a wonderful piece on "Surfing as Religion".

It appeared in, of all places, Surfing Magazine.  Matt reminded us

that "Tom Blake carved "Nature = God" into a rock decades ago". Many of

us certainly understand what Blake was thinking.  Walker goes on to

discuss Dr. Bron Taylor  who authored an article entitled "Surfing into

Spirituality" in the Journal of the American, that also validated the feelings

that many of us share.

Hopefully, yesterday, my grandson took his first step towards becoming a

member of what Taylor called the "Aquatic Nature Religion".  I know that

both Noah and I hope so. Research tells us that individuals with strong

spiritual beliefs are better able to cope with the demands of life.  What do you

believe in?

  

Waves are everywhere

As surfers we seem obsessed with waves.  How many 

times have you told someone that you're "going to

check the waves"?  Have you heard someone tell you

that the "waves were awesome today"?  Well the ocean

is not the only source of waves.

Have you ever ridden the waves of your breath?  Working

with your breathing is an amazing experience. It can calm

you, energize you, and even help your surfing.  Try riding

the waves of your breath.  Inhale deeply into your abdomen

your lower lungs.  Watch  your stomach rise as you inhale.

Pay attention as first your stomach fills up than your chest than

be mindful as the breath turns.  Like a wave receding from the 

shore, be aware of the point of change from inhale to exhale.  

Perhaps you can use the image of the shorebreak - no not the

Waimea shorebreak- rather the gentle lapping of waves on

the shore.  In and out slowly, peacefully, gently.

Ride the waves of your own breathing.  It just might have some

profound impact.  Think about it for a moment, the word respiration

actually means to re spirit yourself.  In the words of Jimmy Buffet

"Breathe in Breathe Out Move On".  An overall good life philospohy.

Creating the world you see and seeing the world you've created

Today is a sunny, warm, beautiful day here in NJ.  Warm

water and offshore winds for the 3rd day in a row.  We often

get stretches like this in July and August on the east coast.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that it is flat?  We haven't had

a decent surfable wave in a few weeks now.  Kind of like

some kind of cruel cosmic joke.  Lots of sunlight, warmth,

perfect winds but no surf.

It would be easy during stretches like these to get bummed.

Surfers want to surf.  Best we can do to avoid depression and

anxiety is to control what you can.  It's all in how you look at

it and what you say to yourself.  That is the basic premise of

cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy.  Our moods and behavior

is dictated by what we say to ourselves, our self-talk. Chris Mauro,

the editor of Surfer Magazine actually quoted the Nobel Prize

winning physicist Max Planck (amazing in itself).  Planck said

"when you change the way you look at things the things you look

at change".

So this morning I'll enjoy watching my dog play in the flat ocean,

do some yoga, maybe take a swim or go for a paddle,  maybe 

go snorkeling, spear fishing and be glad it's not February.  That's

the world I've created for this flat August day with blue skies, warm

temperatures, offshore winds, and no surf.

Monday Morning Mess

Why is it that some people feel that someone else

will take care of it?  This morning, as is the case most

Mondays, the beach was a mess with litter and things

left behind by weekend beach goers.  I came home

with 2 pails, 2 shovels, and 2 towels.  I picked up

8 plastic bottles, 3 beach chairs a beach umbrella, more

than a dozen cups with straws but to name just of few of

the treasures.

I was speaking with a client who is quite anxious about

his recovery from cancer.  The doctors have completed

 their treatment and we spoke about things he could do.

His view was that it was the doctors job to cure him. He

didn't see that he may have a role.  It never even occurred

to him that eating right, exercising, enjoying his life, following

his passions, and making a difference might help strengthen

his immune system, help him control what he could in his

hopes to be cancer free.  He saw it as someone elses job.

Surfer's generally know that you have to take some responsibility

for yourself.  No one else can paddle and catch the wave for you.

There is no magic or easy way to learn to become a surfer.  Sure

anyone can buy the trendy board shorts and take a lesson but you

basically have to do it yourself.  Sure there are others who can

coach you along. But no one can do it all for you. In life it's your

job, your responsibility whether it's picking up your trash, trying

to fight cancer, or learning to surf.  Don't simply sit back and wait

for others to do it!

Amongst the pod

Today was one of those special sessions.  The ones you 

remember and talk about for years.  

Thanks to SUP's I find myself in the water on mornings

when the surf is too small for a surfboard.  Here in NJ

late July and August often means warm sunny mornings, 

warm water, offshore winds, and tiny surf. Paddling sure

beats bike riding for morning exercise on days like these.

This morning as I emerged from inside an L shaped jetty I

found myself in the midst of a pod of dolphin.  Standing

on my board  provided me with a perspective I've never had

before.  What surfer hasn't seen dolphins come through a

line-up? But today, standing made the experience different.  

Having a paddle allowed me to just about keep up with them.

Feel like I was among them in a way I've never felt before.

They allowed me to accompany them for about a mile before

they sped up on their journey south.  I was smiling, awestruck

and thankful the entire way.

I felt part of our amazing planet.  One creature amongst many.

Whatever concerns I may have had were nonexistent in the moments

I spent amongst the pod.  I was totally living in the moment, having

a "here and now" experience.  I felt alive, calm, and at peace.  I often

talk to clients about trying to ground themselevs in the "here and now".

Watching the pod cruise along reminded me of just how important

it is for us all.  Hours later I'm still glowing as the image and memory

of my morning with the pod guides me through the day.