Surf girls would go!

Yes... it happened yesterday!  We all kind of knew that

the 40 something surf girls would go and yesterday one

of them did.  Perfect  small waves, sunny skies, a mild 

December day, and a first brand new board how could 

they resist. One went, the other almost got in a fight with

her boss trying to get out of work to catch the mid-day

incoming tide.  One is stoked beyond belief, the other

still waiting, board yet to be waxed, yet to get wet.  The

clock continues to tick.  It's a long time before spring.

Surfing and the overall stoke that it can create is amazing.

Sharing the stoke and watching it grow in someone who'd

never expected to get bitten by the surf bug is a joyous experience.

Today on our morning beach walk all she could do was talk about

her first session on her very own board.  Everything, from how

"cool" it is that wetsuits actually work to how stable and light

the new board is, was described in detail.  Highlights of waves

came to life. The experience of  just how clear and clean the

water was relived. It's almost as if  we are following some primal

surfer instinct, something in surfer DNA that demands we "talk

story", talk about waves, experiences, joys.  It's as if those sessions

are imprinted in our brains permitting us to re-live them, to feel

them and carry them with us.  What a blessing.

One went - will the other go?  Eddie would go!

Variations

Yesterday was 60 degrees here in NJ.  What a nice late

December surprise.  It was the kind of day that the further

inland you were the warmer it was courtesy of a south wind

blowing at 20 mph or so.  Walking on the boardwalk or at

the beach was a cool challenge while walking a mile or so

inland where the wind velocity was broken was a spring like

pleasure.  What a variation.

Today brought bright sunshine, temperatures in the 40's and

a nice little south swell.  The break at the end of my street 

looked like Malibu with waist high peelers that went on

forever. The variation in the sandbars have made for this unusual

set-up.

The ocean, the waves, the beach, and the weather all vary.  Our moods

can vary as can our outlook on things.  Accepting variations rather

than fighting them can add pleasure to our lives.  Appreciating that

things aren't generally the same can be a calming thought because

that means change is inevitable.  Some changes will be great and changes

we welcome while others might not be so good.  It's good to know

that everything eventually varies, everything eventually changes.  Nothing

lasts forever.

It's all relative

Yesterday we had a nice Christmas surprise.  We

awoke to find some fun waist to chest sized waves,

fairly mild temperatures in the low 50's, offshore

winds, and water temperatures just below 50 degrees.

Not too bad for the end of December.  Not too bad

is a relative term.

Terry Gibson is a dear friend and Florida native.  He

is one of the most passionate activists I know and one

hell of a writer and editor.  Terry is quite the fisherman,

hunter, and surfer and all around great travel partner. I

love that Terry can take being teased with the best of them.

Last week Terry was in NJ on a cold, blustery day when

Sandy Hook was breaking.  Now when Terry talks about

cold water or cold weather you must remember that he

is a Florida boy through and through.  Cold means wearing

a 3 mil wetsuit without booties in 60 degree water.  That's

his cold.  I'm still smiling after hearing  him tell me about his

experience at Sandy Hook.  " I don't know how you guys do it"

he said amongst other memorable things.

Einstein's theory of relativity may or may not apply to Terry.

I do know that for the entirety of Terry's session he was fully

experiencing the moment, fully alive and loving every cold

minute of it.  

Connecting with the wave

Kelly Slater is amazing and might be the bast surfer

the world has ever seen.  Slater has the ability to

surf well and fit in to waves of all sizes.  As he matures

it is interesting to notice how his environmental

awareness and philosophical approach to surfing 

evolves.  

In a recent interview Slater talked about "putting

so much heart and soul into the moment".  A truly

Zen like way to look at life.  He went on to describe

his approach to surfing by saying "as a wave presents

itself, you do whatever you are asked (by it) to do".

You take your lead from the wave or life, rather than trying

to impose your will upon it.  In the same interview he

discussed "some kind of connection between people

and the environment, that when done the right way...

when you see people link things together in just the

right way, it's like that thing already existed, that was

what was supposed to happen.  My goal, all the time,

is to feel like I'm in tune with the wave and the environment".

Isn't that how we all should look at our behavior, our

connection with our planet and all it has to offer? We

must aim to fit in, be part of, and link with the environment.

The US Oceans Commission and the Pew Oceans Commission

recommended we take an ecosystems management approach

to looking at the ocean and its' worsening problems. Most of

those problems have come from us not being "in tune" as

Slater describes it,  not seeing our place as part of the

ecosystem, with our oceans, or our environment.

Strive to be "in tune", to "link" and to "put your heart

and soul in the moment".  Interesting thoughts from an

amazing surfer.  Thanks Kelly 

Surf girls get their boards

The "40 something surf girls" custom ordered surfboards

have finally arrived!  Sure it took forever for them to get here

and Bill Stewart and his gang in San Clemente should be ashamed

of themselves - (4 months, come on Bill), but the boards are here

and the "surf girls" are stoked!

What surfer will ever forget that first new board?  

Mine was a 10'2", orange, Lanai Kai pop out purchased for 

 $100 or so from a local sporting goods store. Why

I got a 10'2" I'll never know as I was probably weighed all 

of 125 lbs. soaking wet.  Who cared.  It was mine! 

I've had lots of new boards in the

45 or so years since then.   I probably would have a

tough time even remembering them all.  Ah but that first

board. I often search garage sales, flea markets, and craig's list

to see it someone might be selling it, selling an important piece

of my surfing life.

The "40 something surf girls" have displayed amazing patience

 and grace over the last months.  They've waited with great anticipation

and resisted getting angry or upset.  Sure they missed having

their own boards for the fall season, but the waiting almost

seemed to add to their stoke.  As one of them said the other day

before the news of their arrival came, " I can't get upset by things

like that, what good will it do? The board will come eventually."

What a great outlook.  What a great lesson.

It's a long time until late April or May when the water here in

NJ begins to warm up.  Let's see if their patience holds out,

after all the water temperature is still in the 50's and a 4 mil

wet suit works.  Let's watch and see what happens if we get a

sunny warm day with fun looking surf.  What do you think?

Pick up 1 item

You know that I've been somewhat obsessed with picking

up bottle caps.  Today, unfortunately, was a banner day. We've

had quite a bit of rain during the past week.  I

filled up yet another 5 gallon bucket of caps.  As I gathered my

usual bounty I noticed yet another plague, plastic cigar tips.  They

are everywhere!  With no particular effort I picked up hundreds

of them this morning.

I don't know very many people who smoke those little cigars

with the plastic tips.  Sure I know they are a favorite of those

who smoke weed, but there can't be that many smokers can there?

It's enough to make you sick all this plastic.  Guess the guy in the old

movie  " The Graduate"was right when he hold the Dustin Hoffman

character that he had one word for him as he considered his future

"plastics".  

If you haven't already please check out the "Rise Above Plastics" web site.

Join the campaign, take the pledge.  If you aren't ready to do that how

about beginning by exercising the power of one.  Next time you go to the

beach pick one plastic item...forks, spoons, straws, bottles, caps, cigar tips,

you get the idea.  Bring a bag and just pick up that item.  It might open

up your eyes and the eyes of those around you.  Maybe you can lead by

example and encourage everyone else to do the same.  Pick up 1 item, collect

it and realize the impact one person can have.  Paulo Fiere, a South American

literacy leader once designed a campaign to help educate people.  He called it

each one teach one.  Do what you can...please?

I don't like the cold

I must admit it I hate the cold weather and am not 

at all a fan of winter!  The older I get the more I come to

grips with that simple fact.  Winter, to me, is something

to be endured not enjoyed.  

This morning the wind was offshore and fairly strong.

The surf was in the chest to head high range and Loch

Arbour had pointbreak like waves peeling for 100 or so yards.

I must confess I was glad I had to go to work.  I'm sure

once I put on my 5 mil wetsuit, boots, and gloves, and actually

got in the water I would have had fun but... Perhaps it's the

awareness that I've just returned from Puerto Rico and will be

heading back in a month or so.  Perhaps it is my advancing age.

Maybe it's just my aversion to cold.  Perhaps it's the sum of 

all the parts.

Lots of folks have to endure much worse these days.  My office

is filling up with clients whose concerns are much greater than

mine.  Why I'm not as stoked to go surfing when the air temperature is

25 degrees with a wind chill really isn't much of a real important

issue in the bigger picture but I really don't like the cold.

The beach changes

It's amazing how the ocean can rearrange a beach almost

overnight.  The long groin(jetty) at the south end of Loch Arbour

goes through amazing changes from day to day and from season

to season.  Most people never even notice it. Never realize

how dynamic the ocean is.

LA now looks like a point break.  Sand has built up all

along the groin wide enough to walk to the end at low tide.

The dogs love it! The sand bar that has built up is huge.  

The waves now peak up at the usual spot and the end of the jetty 

and peel along the new sand bar just like a point break.  I can't

wait for the next south swell, predicted for this week.  My own 

LA will look, feel, and act more like Rincon, Malibu, or J Bay 

than the Jersey Shore.  How cool is that?

Noticing small changes in nature and in ourselves is all part

of being "mindful", aware of all that makes up our lives.  Try

being mindful, focus and take note of the little things you'd

usually never focus on like your breathing, your eating, your

walking.  

A cold, calm, clean beach and a rubber candy cane

Yesterday the temperatures were downright cold here in NJ.

Add to that a bitter NW wind at 30 mph and you get a great day

to stay indoors.  Today the morning temperatures were in the

low 20's but the wind was calm.  The beach, thanks to yesterdays

wind was covered with sand from the dunes.  Not a footprint

in sight with sand like dry, cold, hard powder.  No one around.

Just me and Happy my canine companion.

Today was the first time I had to put on my winter ski jacket.

To Happy's surprise stuffed in the pocket, left over from last year,

was his rubber candy cane.  Seemed we'd both forgotten about it.

It took a nano second for both of us to remember just how much

he loved that candy cane.  Happy eyed it with the look that one

gets when seeing a long lost friend.  We both spent about an hour

or so on the beach with no one else around.  I walked, he dug and

when I'd gotten far enough away he'd grab the candy cane and come

running.

Happy is originally from Puerto Rico, the dumpster at the Mayaguez

Home Depot to be exact.  He and I both prefer warm water, warm air,

and palm trees, but today was pretty special.  Guess we both found 

joy on a cold clean beach. 

Bottle caps

It's become somewhat of an obsession for me, so much 

that friends have noticed and are contributing to it.

I've become obsessed with picking up plastic bottle caps

from the beach.  I can't set foot on a beach without noticing

them and bending over to pick them up.  I've got 5 gallon buckets

filled with them stored in my basement.  I'm not exactly sure

how I'll use them before sending them to be recycled but I've

got a few ideas for a guerilla media event.  Imagine dump

trucks filled with these multi-colored caps being dumped at

the state capital?

These caps have become a symbol to me of a society and culture

gone wild.  I recently read about how much we consume here in the

US.  It is staggering something we each should be ashamed of.

We live in an obese country that can't stop stuffing itself with all

sorts of junk.  Junk food, junk water bottles, junk junk.  Our national obesity

is symbolic.  What will stop us?  How fat do we have to get before we

kill ourselves as a result of our consumptive ways? How

many tons of bottle caps will I have pick up before the ocean and the life

in it dies?

Look at your own ways.  Our planet and health depends on us all.

Control what you can let go of the rest

The stock market is finding new lows.  Companies that

defined American industry are running low on capital and

asking congress for money.  Unemployment is climbing

The housing slump continues with prices falling and foreclosures

rising.  The retail Christmas projections look bleak.   Time to

go surfing!

I had a great session the other day.  Only 3 of us out in chest high

waves.  The air and water were both pleasant by November

standards.  It was one of those days when the waves keep coming

and you get a great workout...catch a wave paddle back out and catch

another.  I must have had a hundred waves.  What made the session

even better was the company.  I surfed with 2 good friends.  Ironically

both are feeling the impact of these crazy economic times.  One owns

a number of retail stores, the other is in commercial real estate.  You'd

never have known that these are troubles times.  We laughed, joked,

commented on the glassy, clean lines in the ocean, watched as schools

of fish broke the surface not far from us.  " It doesn't get better than

this" one of my buddies said.  

We don't have much control over the economic woes.  All we can do

is decide on a course of action and go with it.  Control what you can

control, let the rest go, and enjoy the rest.  What's the sense of worrying? 

A sense of place

I'm on a listserve of psychologists with a special interest 

in conservation and the environment.  Sometimes the posts

are pretty interesting, but sometimes they leave me scratching

my head.  Today there was a call for papers focusing on "identity,

place, and emotional behavior".  The call acknowledged that there 

was a growing interest in "research investigating the complex

interactions between self and environment".  It went on to

discuss "place attachment, place identity, and self environment

interactions".

Psychologists sure can make something pretty simple sound

complex!  I know, and have known since I was a young child,

that I belonged near the ocean.  I freak when I'm too far inland

for too long.  I remember visiting Colorado, marveling at the

beauty but feeling a little uncomfortable that I was so far from

the coast.  I guess that's "place identity".  I love and feel

a sense of happiness and of being confortable at the coast,

any coast.  That must be "place attachment".  I can't help feeling

upset when I see trash on any beach, people not appreciating

or acting as stewards of the place I love.  Guess that's a self-

environment interaction.  I'm a waterman, surfer, and ocean lover.

That's not simply what I do in my free time, it's who I am.

Maybe I should write a paper for this conference... only if it's

held near the coast though!

Quiet time to think...or not

Yesterday was a clear crisp day.  The ocean was alive

with blue fish, the wind was offshore, and the waves

barely knee high.  There has been a lot on my mind

as of late so I decided to go for a paddle on my SUP

and maybe even catch a wave or two.

The beach at 10 am was virtually empty except for

a few fisherman and my friend Jim with his dog Diz.

Diz is aptly named he's a pointer with OCD who, unfortunately,

is fixated on his frisbee.  He sees nothing else.  Diz is an

amazing jumper and displays his skill chasing down that

disk no matter how far Jim throws it.  That's about all Diz

can do.  It seems like the dog likes the beach but how really

knows.  He is obsessed with his frisbee.

Back to me.  I'd gone to the ocean with a mind focused on

some difficult and stressful issues.  Not exactly Diz like but

I'm sure you get the point.  Once in the ocean it seemed as if

those thoughts took their leave.  I noticed the water was an

greenish color and not very clear.  I watched the horizon for

each approaching wave.  I enjoyed the glide of my SUP as

I rode each little wave.  I became acutely aware that I was

alone in the ocean.  I watched the school of bluefish making note

not to paddle too near them and making double sure not to fall.

Was I thinking or not?  The stressful issues I'd entered the water

with, for an hour or so, were gone.  No obsessive focusing for me.

Sorry Diz

Oceans and Human Health

Yesterday I attended a symposium at Monmouth

University sponsored by the Urban Coast Institute

entitled Oceans and Human Health.  It's a yearly event

and one that always gets me thinking. The presenters, 

mostly eminent oceanographers and marine scientists,

talked about things like sediment flow,

toxic chemicals, the great values and uses of chemicals from

the ocean and its creatures.  They focused on physical sciences.

Being a social scientist I began thinking along a different track.

What is the impact of our Oceans and our psychological/emotional

health and well-being?  We all know how being at or in the

ocean makes us feel but what do we know about the impact of

an ocean in trouble?  What is the impact on us of an ocean that

itself is not healthy? Might our psychological and emotional well-

being be linked to the the health of the ocean?  I know how upset

I get when I see trash in the water, brown or red algae blooms,

dead fish floating, or sewage.  I know how bummed I get when, after

a rain, the beach is strewn with plastic.  I know I feel different

looking at clear, clean blue green water than I do looking at

water that looks brown.  How about you?

Guess I'll have to look for a research grant.

Contentment

Two days of great surf.  Offshore winds, beautiful warm late 

October weather with the sun shining and the water still a bit

above 60 degrees.  How nice.  After a pair of 3 hour sessions

on Sunday and a 2 hour session this morning I feel great or as

a friend in the line up put it "contented".

That same friend and I had a long talk after we got out of the

water today about contentment.  Too many people are not really

happy with what they have, with where they are in their lives, with their

jobs or their marriages.  So many folks fool themselves into thinking

that contentment comes from something they don't have, that it

comes from "stuff", from things outside of themselves.  We talked 

about a friend whose marriage is failing because of the lack of satisfaction

because of lack of contentment.  One of the partners has a "bucket list" of

things the feel they must do to be happy.  That list includes places to see,

trips to take, stuff to get.  Too bad it doesn't include the really important

things.  The ones that truly lead to contentment like friends, family,

health, something you believe in, something and someone you love and

who you know loves you.

Sure the economy is bad, my house hasn't sold, my retirement investments

have taken a nose dive, but you know what today put me in touch with?

My own contentment.  I've got a job I love, a great wife and family. my health,

and I've surfed 8 hours in 2 days...I'm a happy man.  What about you?

The surf girls get wetsuits

In the continuing fun of watching and reporting on my 2 

friends who've taken up surfing this past summer I'm pleased

to announce that they are now prepared for colder water. 

Their wetsuits have arrived!  

It's so much fun to watch stoke as it grows.  The simple act of

buying a wetsuit, so commonplace to many of us, when seen through

the eyes of the "surf girls" was an exciting adventure that helped them

get through the early October flat spell.  Here on the east coast surf shops

don't stock a lot of women's suits.   Styles and sizes are limited at

even the best shop.  Our girls solved this problem by hitting the road.

They stopped at virtually every surf shop in a 25 mile radius checking

out different styles and sizes, making shopping fun.  In the process they

discovered that trying on wetsuits can be difficult and sweaty job!

After the shopping road trip they hit the internet.  I've learned a thing or 2 

from their research.  They found a shop willing to ship a number of

suits of varying sizes and from different manufacturers for free!  All they

had to do was try the suits on, pick the one they wanted and send the others

back.  How cool is that?  Oh I forgot to mention the 20% discount they got.

Seeing the familiar through the eyes of others can be fun, helpful, and

even therapeutic.  Try to see the world through the eyes of someone

you're having problems with.  It may take away some of the anger.

Now if only I can get certain talk radio hosts, tv political commentators,

and candidates to learn this lesson we'd all be better off.  We could move

from the antagonistic, venomous, hatred that has become such a toxic

part of this presidential election process.  

Seasons change

Yesterday and today clearly signaled a change.

The high temperatures won't get out of the 50's

and the brisk NE wind is making it feel a little too

chilly.  True dawn patrols, the ones at first light

before the sun actually comes up, 

while most of the neighbors are still in bed,

and the only others around are a few fisherman, won't

be happening (at least not in NJ).  Those pleasant

twilight sessions with the lingering conversations as we stroll

back to our cars are done for a while.  Now folks will be

scurrying to turn on the heat and quickly peel

off  their wetsuits.

Seasons change.  Surfers are often more acutely dialed in to the

small and subtle changes.  Each season brings its' own unique qualities,

each helps us enjoy the others. A quiet weekday session with a few

friends watching the geese fly south is special.  A hot cup of coffee being

sipped while checking the surf,  a knit cap pulled over your ears, 

UGG boots warming your toes are all part of what makes fall different, special

in its' own way.

Enjoy each season of your year...each season of your life.

Different tools for different jobs

Some things are really hard to believe.  I live 2 blocks

from the ocean.  Thanks to both a love of the ocean and

a waist line that hasn't really changes in decades I've got

quite a collection of boardshorts.  I don't think I'm unique

in that respect.

One of my neighbors, a hyperactive home

renovation/construction guy, is going to take a trip to

Puerto Rico in  few weeks.  Those of us who know him

are all wondering what he'll do as he's not the type to fish,

swim, snorkel, surf, or see the sights, although he does enjoy

rum.  What's so odd is that, although he lives 2 blocks from

the ocean he does not own a bathing suit.  He has a truck and

garage filled with any and every tool needed to build or fix

anything related to a house, but not one pair of boardshorts!

Nothing to wear to go into the ocean.

Each of us gather the tools of our trade or passions.  We are

all different.  I gathered together a few pairs for him to have for

his trip.  Oh yes, the lawnmower and edge trimmer in my garage

are from him.  Embrace the difference, laugh and learn from

those who are different.  Laughing and learning are better than

judging and being critical.

all different

Reflection and introspection

Surfing isn't all about action.  For those who are

not surfers that might come  as a bit of a surprise.

As surfers we often check out the ocean from the shore

starring, watching, waiting, thinking.  Out in the lineup 

we really spend a fair amount of time quietly watching

and thoughts frequently wander beyond the next set.  

We've all sat in the ocean looking around, enjoying the

perspective from that vantage point.  We've all found

our thoughts wandering away from the waves.  Sometimes

those thoughts are meditative and reflective.

Today is Yom Kippur the holiest day in the Jewish year.

It is a day for introspection, and atonement, a chance

to mindfully look and account for our actions and thoughts.

The day also includes time to remember and honor those

who are no longer here.

As I walked the beach today checking the surf I had, what is

not an uncommon experience for a surfer.  I had a chance

to be quiet, to look around, to reflect and atone.  It's not all

about catching waves!

Simplicity and Happiness

I've been surfing the waves of Puerto Rico for over

30 years.  I love the proximity, the warm water, the

waves, and most of all, the people.  Whenever I spend

time at my place in Rincon I am reminded why, in a recent,

study the people of Puerto Rico were rated amongst the happiest

in the world.  I'm also reminded of just how far from simple

many people have made their lives.

It's a just another Sunday here in PR.  I spent an hour sitting 

talking to a friend on his porch in front of his gallery.  A few

customers stopped in,  a few other friends stopped by

to chat,  and quite a few more beeped and exchanged pleasantries

as they drove by.  Under a big tree my neighbors have begun

playing dominos.  My wife is feeding leftovers to some neighborhood

dogs.  A mother, father, two kids, and their dog are strolling up

the hill after a walk along the beach road.

What are you busy doing?  Is it really that important?  What are you

 in a hurry to do today?  Her in Rincon it seems that simplicity and happiness

go hand in hand.  Maybe we all can learn that lesson.

Confluence

Oft times in surfing we await the intersection of

seemingly unrelated factors in order to bring us

 the greatest joy.  Think about it for a few seconds. 

We need wind, daylight, swell, and tide to all come together

for those peak experiences, those unforgettable sessions.

That doesn't mean we can't have a great day without

everything coming together exactly as we'd like.  The past few

days here in NJ have been a good example.  We had the swell

but, for the most part, not the wind.  This morning we had the

wind but not the tide.  Tonight we have the tide and wind, but not

the swell.  That's life.

Yesterday morning I had a really fun session.  Sure we had a

decent bit of swell and the tide and my schedule lined up

perfectly, but, we didn't have the wind.  What I did have was

a beautiful warm, sunny morning, the chance to surf a break

with Ray, a friend with a true aloha spirit, and 2 other strangers

who were happy just being out.  I was riding a board I love and

actually scored a few great sections.  

In surfing and in life we shouldn't need everything to come together

perfectly.  If we look at the things that do come together and make

the most of what we get we can really be happy.  Sure we hope for

that perfect confluence, that perfect coming together, but life's seldom

perfect.

Wisdom of the Wave

I don't hide the fact that I am a surfer and a waterman.

There is a Greg Noll Da Cat hanging on the wall in my

office waiting room and Surfer, ESM, and Surfrider' Making

Waves are scattered amongst the more usual magazines in the

magazine rack.  Sometimes it results in some very interesting,

and I hope beneficial, interactions with my patients.

Recently a client brought in an article they'd found in the

Sunday newspaper magazine.  It was an interview with

Laid Hamilton discussing 10 lessons about life he'd learned

from his from his life as a waterman.  I love them and over

time will write about each.

The first lesson is one about humility and vulnerability.

"Know you are (but) a speck on the water".  We really aren't that

significant in the big picture, kind of like drops in the ocean or

grains of sand on the beach.  When we begin to think too much

of our own importance we can find ourselves in trouble.  A client

told me this week that Ego can stand for 'Edging God Out".  Not a

wise thing to do.  The ocean was here long before we were and 

hopefully will be here long after we are gone. 

Surfing and life are all about learning lessons and moving on to

the next lesson without forgetting what we've learned.

Trestles and a sense of frustration

I spoke to a few friends who were at the hearings

in Del Mar on Monday, once again, opposing the

ill thought out toll road proposal.  They were very

frustrated and feeling somewhat hopeless.  Seemed

to them that these hearings were structured in a way 

that gave proponents of the toll road the upper hand.

Hum...a large corporate, money making entity getting

special treatment and being given the upper hand by the

government.  Sound familiar?  It should on a day that

congress is debating a trillion dollar bailout for large,

corporate, money making entities on Wall Street while

everyday people struggle with mortgages, the high cost

of living, and growing fears about their jobs.

What about us?  What about all the volunteers who took

off from work and gave of their time and energy to try

to stop the destruction of the last remaining open space

beach park, with a world class wave, in So Cal?  No one

paid for them to be there...unlike the orange shirted,

union construction workers in attendance.  What about the

thousands of people who surf Trestles or enjoy the park every

day?

Seems that there is a growing sense amongst many these days

that they, as everyday people, don't matter.  That sense of

frustration leads to hopelessness, depression, despair, and

anxiety about the future. I see it in my office daily. I even hear 

about it in the line-up these days.

How do you cope with those feelings? What action(s) do you 

choose to take to cope with the stressors in your life? Seems that

the best we all can do is take control of the things we can control.

Are you???  

Taking action

The 40 something surf girls are still at it!

Last week I got a call asking if they could

borrow boards.  Seems that their teacher

has stopped being so available, either by

accident or design.  This has forced them to 

take matters into their own hands.  They've had

to become more proactive and take action to

get what they want.  Enough of waiting for the

teacher.  Enough watching fun surf without a board.

They needed to surf and I have boards. 

Simple as that!

What a great life lesson.  Know what you want and don't

wait around for others to do it for you.  What's the worst

thing that can happen?  You know, you might just get what

you want.  The surf girls did.  One of my old boards sits in

one of their vans and the other is stored in a very accessible

place.  They don't even have to ask anymore.  

Oh yes, they call the shaper that they've ordered boards

from weekly hounding him about when their new boards

will be ready.  Gotta love it!

Connect and learn

Surfing has provided me with many wonderful gifts.  

Perhaps one of the greatest has been the gift of friendship.

Over the years I've met people all over the globe.  All sorts

of folks, not just surfers.  Each one different in their own 

way, each with a belief system, and point of view uniquely

their own.  Being open, listening, and trying to understand

others has helped open my eyes and at times altered my 

perspective.  

I've learned lots about, simplicity, and joy, from

my neighbors in Puerto Rico. Friends in Australia have

helped me develop more of a "no worries" philosophy.

I've learned lessons about respect and  been taught

the true meaning of Aloha from Hawaiian friends.

It sure would be nice if those running for office, as well

as their diehard supporters, could learn the lessons I've

learned from my surfing life. There are many ways to think

about life, many beliefs systems. Condemning one simply

because they are not like you, or their beliefs differ from yours

is down right stupid.  I don't believe those stuck in our

presently polarized political process have learned that yet.  

It would be wonderful if we could  try to be open, listen, try

to understand others, even a little bit.  Dial down the rhetoric,

curtail the criticism, learn some respect and aloha.  We'd all be

better of for it.

Kelly Slater

Yesterday Kelly Slater won the Boost Mobile Pro

at Trestles.  Another first place finish on this years

world tour.  Slater is setting records and performing

at a staggering pace all but wrapping up an unprecedented

9th world title.  Consider that he won his first

Trestles contest 17 years ago.

How can a 36 year old perform at such a level.  Slater

is one of the oldest surfers on the tour and he seems

to be getting better every year.  What can we observe?

What lessons can we learn from this champion.  

Clearly Kelly Slater is in amazing physical shape.  He

works at his health by watching what he eats,  stretching,

working on strengthening and endurance.  Much has been

written lately about Kelly's attitude and outlook.  He acknowledges

having worked to "let go" of pressure and trying to view

his surfing with a more playful attitude.  Winning is no longer

a life or death mission.  It never should have been, it's surfing.

No surprise either is that Kelly is connecting with the world

in a different way.  This year he, along with  my friend Dr. Dorian

Paskowitz, brought surfboards to Palestine.  They saw surfing as

having the potential to connect with something larger.

Kelly Slater may have a few things to teach us about surfing and

about how life can impact surfing.

Surfed out

East coasters do not generally know how to pace

themselves when there are waves.  After 2 great days

of  overhead surf, courtesy of Hanna, some people are actually 

saying that they are "surfed out". What exactly do

they mean? What are the symptoms of being "surfed out"?

I think it's the sore muscles from surfing 6-8 hours per

day for 2 days straight combined with the euphoric state of

mind.  Maybe it's the state of physical exhaustion complicated

by mental well being and an intense desire for more.  This

state might be caused by poor conditioning, overzealousness, or

simply an odd mentality that east coasters seem to have.  We 

are gluttons and when we get waves we gorge.  We can't pace ourselves

very well.

Poor health habits, gluttony, gorging, and an inability to pace ones self.

Habits that surely can get you in trouble.  No more time to write I've got

to stretch and get back in the water.  No telling what tomorrow will bring.

All I know is that the water and air are warm and the surf pumping.  Do I

sound like an addict?  Hum...wonder if there is a 12 step program I should

look in to?

This worrying will kill me

There is an interesting trailer for the upcoming remake/update

of the movie "Surfer's" on the Billabong web site.  It's pretty

cool that the movie has been updated.  Watching  Dora, Greg Noll,

both the young and older Kelly Slater, and others talk about surfing

is classic.  One comment Tom Curren made really struck me.  Curren

said that "especially when it (the surf) is dangerous you can avoid

getting hurt by just going for it".

A client of mine reflectively said to me in a session the other day 

"this worrying is going to kill me".  How right he is.  I'm sure we all

have found ourselves in a situation where we could either be paralyzed

by worry or go for it.  Whether it has been pushing over the ledge of a

big, scary, steep wave or deciding to leave a job or marriage.  Curren's

advice seems pretty on target to me..."you can avoid getting hurt by just going

for it".  Too much worry or hesitation can kill you.  Going for it, as long as

we trust ourselves, our instincts, and our skills, is usually much better than worrying.

The good the bad and the ugly

Red Jelly fish are ugly, they sting and they are

a bad sign for the oceans health.

Large algae blooms are ugly and indicators

of an ocean that isn't in the best of health.

Head high waves with offshore winds and warm water

are good things for those of us who surf. 

Mix the three together and you literally get the good,

the bad, and the ugly.  That probably best sums up Labor Day

2008 along the northern NJ coast.

I wonder how many surfers realized that the algae and the

red jellies were warnings?  I know lots of folks who got

stung and many others whose sessions ended earlier than

they'd have liked due to the jellies and algae.  Sure lots of

people commented but how many have actually stepped up to

do something?  How many have linked their lifestyle to

our planets deteriorating condition.

Personal health and well being are a lot like yesterday.  People

complain, see warning signs, get stung, but do they accept the

challenge and take personal responsibility?  We each should.

Our lives, our health, and our ocean depends on it.

Welcome Lucy

Gerry Lopez, in his new book "Surf is where you

find it" wrote that "Life goes on and surf...continue(s) to

come on a schedule entirely it's own and almost impossible

to predict".  There is a saying by some renowned religious

leader that seems similar in it's own way.  "Man makes plans 

and God laughs".  Surfing teaches us that you never know,

some things are out of our control.

Those words rang true for me this past week as my granddaughter

Lucy came into the world.  Lucy came on her own schedule

and in her own way.  My daughter and son in law made elaborate

plans.  Lucy was to be born naturally in a water birth.  Well,

that's not exactly how things worked out.  After an emergency C section

for mom, and a few days in the NICU for Lucy, today is homecoming.

I'm grateful, happy, and relieved.

Life, like the surf, goes on a schedule all its' own.  We try to predict

and make plans but often we are reminded that some things

are out of our control.

A break in the routine

  It's been a while since we've had a decent swell.  

I've been riding and enjoying my SUP for the last

month "sweeping" almost daily.  Today, thankfully,

we had some fun surf.  The wind was offshore and

the sets almost chest high.  For the first time in

a while I didn't take my SUP out.  Today I rode my

high performance longboard and had a blast.  It was

almost as if my surfing and stoke were renewed.  

I felt looser, more amped, and a bit more aggro.  What

a fun change.

How often do we all get stuck in a routine?  We do the

same thing without necessarily thinking about it almost

as if it is a knee jerk response.  Mindfully changing the 

routine can offer a fresh perspective on life.  It doesn't

have to be a dramatic change.  Perhaps you always eat

lunch in your office.  Go out instead.  Exercise using

a different routine, drive on a different road.  Enjoy

noticing what a simple change in the routine can do for you.

Sometimes the waves keep coming

Have you ever been trying to paddle out and been pummeled

by wave after wave after wave?  It's happened to us all at one 

time or another.  The waves keep coming, we keep duck diving,

and it seems to go on and on.  The only way to survive is to

relax, keep calm, and keep paddling, knowing that no set lasts

forever.  

Oft times life is a lot like a paddle out.  We seem

to get hit by one thing after another.  The problems or demands

keep coming and you feel like you can't get a breath, you can't

get past the impact zone and to the lineup.  Guess the same

rules apply - relax, keep calm, don't panic or give up, and

know that nothing lasts forever.  

Oh yes...breath!

Patience

If nothing else surfing teaches us to be patient.

Surfing isn't something that you can learn easily it

requires time, persistence, and patience.  We

can't make the waves come.  Only mother nature

can do that.  All we can do is watch, learn, and be patient.

Even when we have a swell we must be patient.  We 

wait for breaks in the white water through which to

paddle.  We wait for a lull in the set to make a sprint to

the line up.  Even after we've made it into the line up we

generally have to wait patiently for our wave.  Well

some surfers don't quite understand that part (again a topic

for another day).

For some people patience is a commodity that is

in short supply.  At certain times in our lives our patience

is tested.  I'm watching my daughter try to be as patient as

possible.  She is about to have her first child, a girl.  Her

official due date was last week but...patience, patience, patience.

My grand daughter will come, like the next swell, the next wave

in her own time. We really can't make it happen sooner.

My daughter heard that spicy food can help speed things 

up so tonight it's either Mexican  food, Thai food, or 25 cent all 

you can eat spicy chicken wings.   Who knows maybe it will work? 

In the mean time I'll remember a lesson that my years of surfing has

ingrained in me, I'll just practice patience!

Take it when you can

Today is my mother's 91st birthday.  As we ate lunch

we talked a bit about lifes lessons.  My mother certainly

isn't, or should I more aptly say wasn't, an east coast

surfer.  In fact I'm not really sure I've ever seen set foot in

the sea.  I do, however, have her to thank for my love

of the ocean.  But that's a story for another day.

My mother has never been a go for it, drop everything

kind of gal.  She spends lots of time fussing about things

she can't control and stays up nights worrying about all

sorts of things real and imagined.  I wish she could know

the sheer pleasure of dropping everything because the surf

was up.  To hell with all that stuff that "should" be done,

forget about those imagined worries,  the real ones will

still be there later.

Surfing, especially here on the east coast, has taught me

the importance of taking it when you can.  The waves, like

many of life's pleasures and joys might not be here later.

If we wait too long or put things off for another day too often

we just might miss out.  Reflecting on my mother's 91 years

I wish she'd had the ability to "do it" more and worry less.

Happy birthday mom.  I'm hoping I can make it to 91 and maybe ride

a wave or 2 at that...but I'm not going to worry about it.  I'm going

to take life when I can, each and every day.

Reframing the way we think

In cognitive behavioral therapy we often suggest

that clients "reframe" the way they think about

something.  Basically all that means is to look at

it in a different way, to use different self talk about

a stressor, problem, or thought. Seems we, as a society,

need to do a bit of reframing.

Yesterday I was taken by 2 items that came to me

via email.  The first was an email about the "Save Trestles"

campaign being waged in Southern California.  For anyone

not familiar with the issue let me try to simplify it; the

TCA wants to build a toll road through the last remaining

undeveloped coastal land between San Diego and Los Angeles.

When you think SoCal do you think of undeveloped land and

virgin beaches?  Why, you might ask, would anyone even consider

such an idea?  SoCal already is synonymous with the word freeway.

The roads supporters suggest that building the road will help reduce the

already burdensome traffic in the area.  Critics suggest that more roads

stimulate more development and we need to be less dependent upon

cars, oil, and roads. We need to protect undeveloped land and precious

coastal resources.  We need to reframe how we think about the problem.

The second email alerted me to a Bill in Congress that would reduce insurance

for oceanfront homeowners.  In the words of my friend Rick Wilson at

Surfrider, "exactly the wrong way to go". Let's see who would suggest

that we ease the burden on homeowners who have built or purchased

homes in harms way, especially with sea level rise looming?

We need to reframe how we think.

Unless we change the way we look at things we run the risk of making

matters worse.  Sometimes the easiest way or the most habitual way of

thinking needs to be changed, a paradigm shift, as it were.  Whether related

to your own life, your problems, or larger issues like our addiction to oil or

our desire to live right on the ocean, sometimes we really must resist the

easy way out.  Reframing can make all the difference.  What might you need

to reframe? What causes you stress?

Stephen, the dogs, the stick, and the waves

I love watching 5 year old Stephen and his dog

each morning at the beach.  Stephen's happy there and it shows!

Almost every day he combs the beach looking for treasures

and always, thanks to dad's example, fills up the bag he

brings from home with trash.  When the weather and 

water are warm, and waves (or lack thereof) are right

Stephen his dog Pepper and my dog Happy romp together

in the surf.

Today Stephen and the dogs gleefully played for, what 

seemed like hours, with a stick.  He'd throw the stick as

5 year olds do, then he and the dogs would run into the

ocean after it.  Usually a dog got it first.  Next they'd

all seemingly wait for a wave to bodysurf into the shore.

Did you ever watch 2 dogs and a 5 year old bodysurf a 1 ft

wave?  You should.

I'm not sure who enjoyed the morning more Stephen, Happy,

Pepper, Stephen's dad or me.  Simple pleasures, simple joys.

What a way to start the day.  Throw a stick, ride a wave, laugh,

pick up some trash, play with the dogs.  It doesn't get better

than this! 

Letting go of the fear of letting go

Yesterday the 40 something surf girls were at it again.

I admire their persistence and enjoy watching and listening

to them during and after each session.

Persistence and enthusiasm are 2 wonderful  traits which

serve us well in every endeavor.

There are 2 things that I've noticed as they've stuck with it.

First is that they both have let go of some  of  their fear of 

what lives in the ocean.  When they paddled out on their maiden 

voyages their fear of fish, sharks, jellyfish, and all of the creatures

who belong in the ocean was palpable.  They worried as they

paddled.  Gradually and with time they've let go a bit.  Sure

they know that there are fish in the ocean, but something about

being in to water, gaining a new perspective, feeling part of

the ocean has helped them let go a bit of that fear.

The second fear, and one that they are still working on

overcoming, is quite literally the fear of letting go (of the

board) as they try to stand up.  I'm sure all surfers know

exactly what I'm talking about.  Novices sometimes are able to

catch the wave, but popping up to standing seems to be

a scary thing.  Holding on to the rails seems safe.

Letting go seems risky.  Without letting go they end up in

the out of balance position we all know too well, i.e. hands

on the board, butt up in the air, one foot too far back, the

other leg bent.  Unless they let go and pop up they can't get

the joy they are hoping for.

I see folks in my office all the time who are prisoners of not

being able to let go.  Isn't that what anxiety and phobias

are all about? Isn't that what causes us stress.  We each probably

have a fear of letting go of something. I have a client

who can't relax until all their chores are finished.  They never relax.

Not being able to let go holds us back at work,  in relationships, in surfing

and from being the person we'd like to be.

In the words of the former President Franklin D. Roosevelt,

"the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"!  Let go and do the

thing you fear.  It just might be fun and really worth it.  It might even

change the way you look at yourself.

Simon and the Ocean

It's still difficult for me to put into words the emotions

surrounding what happened yesterday.  I've tried 2 drafts

of this entry already.

Simon is my 4 month old grandson.  Yesterday morning for

the 1st time in his young life he stood ( with my help) at the

shoreline and felt the ocean as it lapped up on his tiny feet. 

My son Noah, Simon's father, stood at our side sharing similar

overwhelming feelings. 

In many cultures  the ocean is special.   It's not merely a body

of water but rather a spiritual, holy place, a church of sorts. 

The place from which all life springs.  I know that for Noah and I,

like many other surfers and waterman all around the world, we

feel a great reverence towards the ocean and all it represents and

is.  Yesterday we brought Simon into our world, a world we both

hope will become his too someday. It was a baptism of sorts.

Matt Walker recently wrote a wonderful piece on "Surfing as Religion".

It appeared in, of all places, Surfing Magazine.  Matt reminded us

that "Tom Blake carved "Nature = God" into a rock decades ago". Many of

us certainly understand what Blake was thinking.  Walker goes on to

discuss Dr. Bron Taylor  who authored an article entitled "Surfing into

Spirituality" in the Journal of the American, that also validated the feelings

that many of us share.

Hopefully, yesterday, my grandson took his first step towards becoming a

member of what Taylor called the "Aquatic Nature Religion".  I know that

both Noah and I hope so. Research tells us that individuals with strong

spiritual beliefs are better able to cope with the demands of life.  What do you

believe in?

  

Waves are everywhere

As surfers we seem obsessed with waves.  How many 

times have you told someone that you're "going to

check the waves"?  Have you heard someone tell you

that the "waves were awesome today"?  Well the ocean

is not the only source of waves.

Have you ever ridden the waves of your breath?  Working

with your breathing is an amazing experience. It can calm

you, energize you, and even help your surfing.  Try riding

the waves of your breath.  Inhale deeply into your abdomen

your lower lungs.  Watch  your stomach rise as you inhale.

Pay attention as first your stomach fills up than your chest than

be mindful as the breath turns.  Like a wave receding from the 

shore, be aware of the point of change from inhale to exhale.  

Perhaps you can use the image of the shorebreak - no not the

Waimea shorebreak- rather the gentle lapping of waves on

the shore.  In and out slowly, peacefully, gently.

Ride the waves of your own breathing.  It just might have some

profound impact.  Think about it for a moment, the word respiration

actually means to re spirit yourself.  In the words of Jimmy Buffet

"Breathe in Breathe Out Move On".  An overall good life philospohy.

Creating the world you see and seeing the world you've created

Today is a sunny, warm, beautiful day here in NJ.  Warm

water and offshore winds for the 3rd day in a row.  We often

get stretches like this in July and August on the east coast.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that it is flat?  We haven't had

a decent surfable wave in a few weeks now.  Kind of like

some kind of cruel cosmic joke.  Lots of sunlight, warmth,

perfect winds but no surf.

It would be easy during stretches like these to get bummed.

Surfers want to surf.  Best we can do to avoid depression and

anxiety is to control what you can.  It's all in how you look at

it and what you say to yourself.  That is the basic premise of

cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy.  Our moods and behavior

is dictated by what we say to ourselves, our self-talk. Chris Mauro,

the editor of Surfer Magazine actually quoted the Nobel Prize

winning physicist Max Planck (amazing in itself).  Planck said

"when you change the way you look at things the things you look

at change".

So this morning I'll enjoy watching my dog play in the flat ocean,

do some yoga, maybe take a swim or go for a paddle,  maybe 

go snorkeling, spear fishing and be glad it's not February.  That's

the world I've created for this flat August day with blue skies, warm

temperatures, offshore winds, and no surf.

Monday Morning Mess

Why is it that some people feel that someone else

will take care of it?  This morning, as is the case most

Mondays, the beach was a mess with litter and things

left behind by weekend beach goers.  I came home

with 2 pails, 2 shovels, and 2 towels.  I picked up

8 plastic bottles, 3 beach chairs a beach umbrella, more

than a dozen cups with straws but to name just of few of

the treasures.

I was speaking with a client who is quite anxious about

his recovery from cancer.  The doctors have completed

 their treatment and we spoke about things he could do.

His view was that it was the doctors job to cure him. He

didn't see that he may have a role.  It never even occurred

to him that eating right, exercising, enjoying his life, following

his passions, and making a difference might help strengthen

his immune system, help him control what he could in his

hopes to be cancer free.  He saw it as someone elses job.

Surfer's generally know that you have to take some responsibility

for yourself.  No one else can paddle and catch the wave for you.

There is no magic or easy way to learn to become a surfer.  Sure

anyone can buy the trendy board shorts and take a lesson but you

basically have to do it yourself.  Sure there are others who can

coach you along. But no one can do it all for you. In life it's your

job, your responsibility whether it's picking up your trash, trying

to fight cancer, or learning to surf.  Don't simply sit back and wait

for others to do it!

Amongst the pod

Today was one of those special sessions.  The ones you 

remember and talk about for years.  

Thanks to SUP's I find myself in the water on mornings

when the surf is too small for a surfboard.  Here in NJ

late July and August often means warm sunny mornings, 

warm water, offshore winds, and tiny surf. Paddling sure

beats bike riding for morning exercise on days like these.

This morning as I emerged from inside an L shaped jetty I

found myself in the midst of a pod of dolphin.  Standing

on my board  provided me with a perspective I've never had

before.  What surfer hasn't seen dolphins come through a

line-up? But today, standing made the experience different.  

Having a paddle allowed me to just about keep up with them.

Feel like I was among them in a way I've never felt before.

They allowed me to accompany them for about a mile before

they sped up on their journey south.  I was smiling, awestruck

and thankful the entire way.

I felt part of our amazing planet.  One creature amongst many.

Whatever concerns I may have had were nonexistent in the moments

I spent amongst the pod.  I was totally living in the moment, having

a "here and now" experience.  I felt alive, calm, and at peace.  I often

talk to clients about trying to ground themselevs in the "here and now".

Watching the pod cruise along reminded me of just how important

it is for us all.  Hours later I'm still glowing as the image and memory

of my morning with the pod guides me through the day.

Learn Something New

Over the past months I've watched as two forty-something

women have become enthralled with surfing.  I've known

both these women for years.  We walk our dogs together on

the beach almost every day.  About 3 months ago they both

commented about how surfing and stand up paddleboarding

looked fun.  As the weather and water warmed so did their

interest.

About a month ago they rented an SUP and took it in the ocean

on a warm flat day.  It was harder than they'd expected but it did

not diminish their desire or interest.  They approached a neighbor

who they knew has surfed for years.  Would he be willing to teach

them to surf?  Of course they had no idea that their teacher

was quite an icon.  He'd lived in Hawaii at V land, was amongst

the folks who named Freddieland, roomed with Billy Hamilton

and Phil Irons and locally was called Pipey for his ability to

tube ride.  But to him teaching these 40 something moms

sounded like a fun thing to do.

Today I watched as he pushed them into tiny waves.  The smiles

on everyone's faces were infectious. I doubt if he smiled that much

in Hawaii back in the day.  I know they will all be back tomorrow.

Research on aging suggests that we all should take up something

new as we age.  Learn to do something we've never done.  Creating

new neural pathways through the brain helps keep our brains

and our minds alive and sharp.  Don't just sit back as you age.  Feel

the joy of being a novice.  Learn something new!

Resources are finite

Each morning as I walk along the beach I find

plastic.  Plastic bottle caps, water bottles, kids

beach toys, bags are, unfortunately more common

than unusual shells or sharks teeth. They are abundant.

Oil, we are told, is a finite resource yet we have those

among us who believe that there are infinite amounts

of oil under the sea.

Sand is a precious resource yet we have those who

want to dredge it from the ocean floor and place it

on the beach to protect a few homes.  The reefs that

they are burying are also a precious finite resource.

But some don't seem to care.

On a more personal level, what resources do you

squander or hold dear?  Health is one of the most 

precious resources we have.  Do you protect your

health by exercising, eating right, getting enough

sleep or do you ignore the value of your health.

How about time? Some never seem to have enough

yet think they have plenty of time.  A client of mine

thinks that the dishes in the sink must be cleaned

before she can meditate or exercise.  No surprise

she never has enough time for the things that she 

"wants" to do because she feels compelled to do

things she "has to do" like dusting the bookshelf.

Resources be they personal or planetary are finite.

How can we avoid squandering them?

Happiness and Making a Difference

Martin Seligman, the noted psychologist, and some would 

say father of positive psychology, has a great lecture on

www.TED.com.  Dr. Seligman talks about how to achieve 

happiness.  One of the ingredients is helping and making

a difference by what you do.  

Today I sure felt great happiness.  I got some pleasure by

spending 3 hours on my SUP in smallish, knee to waist high

surf.  I felt as if I made a difference as a volunteer in a 

program that the Jersey Shore Chapter of Surfrider began

6 years ago in Asbury Park NJ.  Today was Asbury Family

Day at the Beach.  

This program is aimed at local Asbury Park kids and 

families most of whom are relatively poor  and minority.

It might sound surprising that people can grow up living a

mile or two from the beach and never experience it.  Hard to 

imagine for a surfer, but a very real fact of life.  For many

years people of color and minorities were discouraged from 

going to the beach.  They weren't really welcomed.  

Imagine the joy of seeing for the first time in your life

a pod of dolphins.  For scores of people today was their

first time.  Imagine exploring the tide line to find creatures

like crabs, mussels, jellyfish and shells for the first time.

Imagine being pushed into a wave and riding your first wave.

That's what Asbury Park Family Day at the Beach is all about.

That's the difference between pleasure and happiness.  

Check out the Seligman lecture on Ted.com.  See if you can

find happiness in your life.

Choices and consequences

This morning as the sun rose I was checking the

waves with my dog and a good friend.  As the

2 of us contemplated the waist to stomach high

clean, glassy line-up a neighbor pulled up.  Bob

and I were born a few days apart so in many ways

we have much in common.  One major difference

however were a few key choices we made in our lives.

As I prepared for a session Bob headed to the train

station for his 1 1/2 hour trip to the city to go to work.

You could tell from the look in his eyes and the brief

comments he made that he wished he were us.  

Ron, another dear friend, used to ride the train.  One

day he, like Bob, left the early morning surf check to

make the train.  He wore an expensive suit and drove 

a very expensive car at the time.  Ron decided to make

a change, take a risk and opt for a lifestyle closer to his

heart and passion.  It was tough at first for him to

watch his commuting buddies in their expensive

cars and leather brief cases as he struggled to start

a new business.   Now he wears shorts to work, drive

a car filled with sand, and  surfs the DP whenever there

are waves.  

Lifestyle choices confront us all.  What choices are you

making?  John Lennon once wrote, "Life is what happens

to us when we're busy making other plans".  Choices aren't

easy but we have to deal with their consequences.

Keep it simple

One of the things I love about surfing

is the simplicity.  All you need is a board,

a wave, a wetsuit or boardshorts, and time.

Not a lot of fancy dodads.  Not a lot of

technology.  I often look at windsurfers

or kite surfers or divers and think that

it looks like fun but there is so much 

equipment involved, so many moving parts,

so much to coordinate and set up.  

Keeping life simple is another thing I love.

It makes me feel better.  Many of the folks

I see in my office are stressed beyond belief

because their lives are too complicated.  They

never seem to consider the price we pay for

moving from simplicity.  

Sure it's great to have a quiver but there is some

peace in not having to choose which board to ride

today.  I'm not sure which surf film it is where I

saw Joel Tudor saying the same thing.  He had a

car full of boards and stressed about which one he

should be riding.

Try to find out where simplifying your life can make

it easier.  It might have you thinning your quiver and

making your choices not so overwhelming.

What have you been doing for 45 years?

Michael Tomson asked that question in the film "Bustin Down the Door".

How many things in your life do you feel passionate about? How many

of your interests span a lifetime?

I've found in my practice that virtually all people who are depressed have never

been passionate about a hobby.  Recent research suggests that the more time

people spend in nature the greater their sense of well-being.  Perhaps that's why

surfing helps keep me more balanced.  I still can't wait to get up in the morning

when I think there will be waves.  I'm still stoked!  I love being in the water and

connecting with the life in the ocean.  Mike Orbach, Ph.D. former director of

the Duke University Marine Lab and former Surfrider Board Chairman, often

speaks about the perspective from out in the lineup.  We see things from a different

vantage point looking inward at the shoreline. Perhaps the normal stresses of life

appear different from the water looking from a distance.

I've been surfing for a bit over 45 years to answer Michael Tomson's question.

It gives me a great deal.

Family, tribe, and simplicity

Last night I was part of a wonderful surf event.  Shaun Tomson and

Rabbit Bartholomew were in Asbury Park to show 'Bustin Down the

Door".  Their movie was the 1st of a double feature that included "Surfwise"

the story of the Paskowitz family.  Together they showed 2 distinct yet similar

sides of "our tribe".

Seeing surf related movies in a theatre, on a big screen is not as common 

on the east coast as it is in California.  That results in the movie being a

"gathering of the tribe".  It was very cool to see fathers, now in their 40's or

50's with their sons and daughters, gathering to see their heros.  I can't

begin to tell you how many times during the week before the showing that

people told me that Shaun and Rabbit were their heros when they were groms.

Watching their children see their stoke was quite special.  It was also amazing

to have the younger surfers, who take the professional surfing and surf industry

sponsors for granted, see how it all began, see how it was done simply for 

passion and a dream. 

Both movies showed the power of love, friendship, commitment, respect, and

family.  They both clearly illustrated that passion and aloha can often give us

much more than money or material things or brash cockiness. Being in the company of Shaun and Rabbit, 2 icons, 2 friends for many many years who have shared both joy and

tragedy, good times and bad meant was instructive.  Seeing the Paskowitz family

come full circle taught an equally important lesson.

There is a poster in my office that I bought in Hawaii many years ago.  It is called

Hawaiian Rules.  One of the rules states that "the best things in life aren't things".

Last night brought that message home to many of the 600 or so tribe members who

were inside the wonderful old Paramount Theatre in Asbury Park.

You don't know what you've got til it's gone

The title of this blog are words from the Joni Mitchell song "They paved paradise

and put up a parking lot".  Now that in itself is a great subject for a later date.

Yesterday I spent time with 2 friends who have been surfing for many many years.

Both, despite being over 50, are as stoked as ever and still rip.  Strangely

both have, within the past year, undergone surgery to replace a hip.  

I heard a common theme emerge as we spoke.  " You have no idea how much I

missed surfing during the months of rehabilitation. I couldn't wait to get back

in the water. I seem to enjoy surfing even more now than ever."  

There are important lessons here.  Enjoy life, enjoy what you have each day, cherish

the people around you, don't squander away your time.  Chaos theory teaches us that

the only constant is change.  Some changes will be good, others bad yet none will

last forever.  Each of my friends are much better at living in the moment now thanks

to their time out of the water.  I surely benefit from the lessons others have to teach.

Enjoy today!!! Enjoy each session, each wave, each friend, each loved one today because

like the surf...who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Aloha doesn't mean judging

The other day while surfing at my local spot a relative "newcomer" dropped in

on me.  We shared the wave. Rather than get angry at the drop in I decided to

 enjoy watching him on the nose of his board as we rode it together.  There was plenty 

of room on the wave for us both since the surf was playful, in the stomach high range.

The next morning we were again in the lineup together. A friend, and novice

paddler, paddled out on his new SUP.  The surf was smaller than the previous

day but still fun.  The "newcomer" saw the paddler, frowned and made a derogatory

remark about SUP's.  The paddler did not hear "newcomer's" remark.  He happily

paddled through the lineup filled with aloha, wishing everyone he knew a good morning, alerting the crew when he spied a set on the horizon, and paddled away from the main peak.

I looked at "newcomer" and commented that in the water we can make mistakes by

judging people by what they ride.  It's not the surf craft but rather the surfer we should

get to know.

Making snap judgments based only upon external appearance or inaccurate expectations

causes enough stress in the world.  Aloha means not judging.

Watching the sun come up

Today is the 7th day in a row of waves courtesy of Hurricane Bertha.  The tides have been

such that I've been up at 5am and in the water as the sun has been rising out of the Atlantic

for a week now.  What a gift!  The world is pretty quiet - except for a few fellow souls with

coffee mugs in hand, making sure that we can still surf.  My dog Happy, a native of Puerto Rico,

loves getting up and joining me for this sunrise ritual.  We both are grateful for what is, the beauty of the moment, and for the possibilities that await us on this new day. There is a morning prayer in some religion where we each give thanks for waking from the dead and being given another day of life.  It sure is hard to be stressed, anxious or worried at 5am watching a red ball rise out of the ocean, watching waves, and dolphins.  

Surfing and Life

As a surfer and a psychologist I think that I've got an interesting perspective on how the lessons I've learned in the ocean pertain to living life.  I hope to use this blog to explore, examine, and

share some of those lessons in the hope that it helps you and me.  As someone once said "

how do you know what you are thinking if you can't see it?"